Day After Thanksgiving...What Am I Doing Thinking About A Bikini?

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last wrote on this here blog. I do think it is helpful to express some things in this forum, as I continue to be challenged by food and weight issues. I fear sounding like a broken record, but for those of you sticking with me, well, here goes!

Long story short, after losing 50 lbs over the last 1 1/2 years or so, I gained 20 pounds back from April to the beginning of November. Although I've lost about 6 pounds the last couple of weeks, let me tell you how I feel about all of this gain....______!!!!!!(Insert any exclamatory curse word here...) I think my last post talked about the road trip I went on, which was the beginning of my weight gain. Add to that a very stressful summer, and a fall where I have been faced with some interesting health issues and a couple of car accidents/problems, and you have my excuses for ceasing interest in taking care of myself as far as food and exercise go. I wish I were the type of person who turns to exercise in time of stress and trial. Instead, I head right back to what means comfort to me, and that is food...and unfortunately, unhealthy food! Oh, what a wonderful day it will be to overcome this weakness. I have to think that I WILL overcome it. I can't keep doing this to myself!! I also need to realize that I am showing my kids how to deal with tough times. I don't think having them see Mom wolfing down ice cream is probably the best way of teaching how to cope during the challenges of life.

After experiencing about six months of lack of motivation, diving self esteem, and digging in to the big clothes I hadn't given away yet, I am ready to turn this around. A couple of weeks ago, something happened...not sure what, but it seems my stomach has shrunk and my brain said 'get it together, woman!'. I have cut out the incessant snacking on whatever is in sight. The timing of this turn in my thinking and changes in eating behavior is interesting, as we are entering quite possibly the toughest time of the year to refrain from overeating. But it is the perfect time, because if things hadn't turned in my head, I would be putting on another 20 pounds in record time with the Thanksgiving meal, pies, Christmas cookies and other wonderful treats. Yesterday, I enjoyed the meal but took small portions of everything. I did not go back for seconds. I passed on dessert, but did keep grabbing cinnamon bears as I walked by the dang bowl on the counter. The only thing I wish I hadn't done was go a tiny bit overboard on chips and french onion dip as we played cards last night. Relative to how many chips and dip I would have grabbed a month ago, it wasn't too bad, but I would be happier with myself now if I had one or two and called it good! I have gone back to drinking lots of water. Over these last few months, I was lucky to get one 16 oz bottle in during the day. Now, I aim to drink about 80 oz. I usually go over! My energy seems to be returning. I do think I'm feeling a bit more jovial as well :)

Now, to get back to the exercise! That is next on my list of things to do...I'm shaking a cold, which was my latest excuse not to go to the gym. Now that the cold is no longer an issue, I just need to get my lazy butt to go. I'll keep you posted!

Dear Myself,

Ups and downs....peaks and valleys....good and bad.....it's all LIFE. Kari, DEAL WITH IT!!! And without the help of McDonalds, Dreyers or Dr. Pepper! You can do this. You are worth the trouble!!!

Love, Me

Damn Day

Wellllll....I haven't made any changes since the last time I wrote. In fact, I think I've gone even more off the deep end. My husband keeps telling me I need mental help. I guess I probably do!!

I think I've gained another two pounds. It's hard to look at that and realize that I am basically where I was at the end of 2009. It would be so nice to see some good results again. But there are some things that need to happen. Somehow, I have to get to the gym. I knew it was going to be challenging when the weather got better, because I lost my afternoon 'babysitter' (my son) to the golf course. It has not worked to leave the work outs to the evening, because I haven't been going. Once dinner is over, it is time to be with my husband and it doesn't seem right to run off to the gym. I hate to say I've given up. But for the last month, it sure seems like it. I can't seem to control myself when it comes to my nutrition. I had Rice Krispie treats for breakfast. How's that for healthy? It was cereal, at least. And here for the next week or so, I will be on the road. Yes, I should make some healthy choices. Trouble is, when it comes right down to it lately, I haven't been able to. The junk keeps winning out. Am I purposely sabotaging myself? Or is my body just craving all this junk again? I can really see the difference in my body too. Just a couple of weeks ago, my trainer, who I now only work out with during a Saturday circuit class, made my day by stating, "your legs are really looking lean". I was loving how they were looking! There is still some muscle there, but they are looking flabby now...and not so lean. I just want to cry!

I'm stressing right now about so many things....I can't tell if my out of control eating is a response to that stress or some crazy will power issue or something deeper and needing serious therapy. I highly doubt I will be doing any work outs while I am gone. This trip will be a bit of a whirlwind through three different family gatherings...happy and sad. I just don't think I'll be running off to exercise...

I generally like to be a more uplifting person. I loved hearing I was an inspiration to some people. So I apologize for being a bit of a downer. Guess I have to remind myself that I have still lost a buttload of weight, even if I have put a few pounds back on. But I also need to remind myself of what I did to lose it so that I can keep it off, and shed these last remaining unhealthy pounds.

Damn these eating issues! Damn my love for junk food! Damn my laziness! Damn damn damn!!!

Day....What day is this? I need another Day 1!

I made good progress from January to mid-April. I was motivated. I was in the habit of eating better and going to the gym at least 3 times a week. I was blogging every day, or almost every day. I was keeping a food journal. I have discovered over the last month that it is way too easy to revert back to old bad habits.

I have this mental attitude that is all wrong and I need to work on it. I figure once I "mess up"....like eat a bucket of popcorn at the movies, that I might as well just go have a crazy meal, and a pop and a candy bar and who knows what else!...And I've been doing that for a month now. I told my trainer about that, and he said that's like accidentally hitting a kid with your car, and then going and deliberately finding his parents and hitting them too. That doesn't make any sense, nor does my attitude of just continuing my binges once I mess up a little.

I'm so disappointed in myself because it really seemed like I had developed good habits. I felt like taking a little time off after that challenge, but this is ridiculous!!! Today I woke up saying today was the day I would not grab the junk in the house. I promptly ate 2 Golden Oreo cookies first thing this morning. Once that happened, there went my attitude again. As I was polishing off a bag of Fritos just now, I decided I would head to my blog and let it all out here.

It looks like I've gained about 4 pounds back since the challenge ended. If I keep eating the way I'm eating, and making one trip to the gym a week, I'm gonna be in big trouble! So, here I am again, putting it out for all to see. I have a couple of things coming up that I was hoping would motivate me to get back on track. I have my cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, and I hope I can at least get these 4 pounds back off before then. And then in July, I turn 40....Oh, how I would love to be down another couple of dress sizes before then!!

I don't want to be fat anymore!!! I am so much happier with how I look now...but I definitely have some work to do yet. Just take a look at my stomach the next time you see me. Then you'll see there is still work to be done!! On second thought, please keep your eyes on my face... :)

Tonight there is a taco dish on the menu for the family dinner. I imagine I'll eat that, and probably have a beer or two. Then tomorrow, I will start recording my food. With a road trip coming up, maybe it isn't the best time to try and start again, but I have to! Somehow, I have to get out of the bad funk I'm in!!!

The Results

Friday, April 9th was my final weigh-in for the Body Transformation Challenge at my gym. I was pretty nervous going in there, because I had really dropped the ball the last week and a half of the challenge. It was a struggle to get to the gym, and my diet was crap. However, I was pleased with the overall results from the 12-week challenge!

Here they are:

By body fat percentage dropped from 36.36% to 28.8%!

I gained 6 pounds of muscle, lost about 17 pounds of fat!

Total weight lost: 11.25 pounds!

I'm not sure how I compare to the other participants...but I am happy with how I did. It was not easy, and I struggled a lot. So to actually come away with some good numbers was thrilling! I turned in my essay, and food log...now I just wait to see how it all shakes down. Even if I don't win this contest, I have won something for myself...the realization that I can do something just by focusing and working hard. And that struggling doesn't mean "give up"...it just means power on through!

Thanks, everybody for your support and encouragement throughout this challenge! This does not mean my journey to a bikini is over...still working on that! Soooo....stay tuned for updates. :)

Days 79-81

The last three days of the challenge and my diet consisted of popcorn, pizza, mac & cheese, McDonald's...and a few other things. What the heck?? I was preoccupied with getting my house clean for a party I was having. I didn't want to cook, because I didn't want to make a mess in the kitchen. Excuses, excuses, I know...However, since I was busy cleaning, I didn't snack a whole lot, and I was getting some exercise just by being busy around the house. The last week was tough. I hope to get back to 'normal', even though the challenge is over. And 'normal' now means exercising every day in some way, and eating sensibly. My goal is to limit eating out since it is expensive, but also not very healthy. Even when I think I'm choosing something not so bad, it ends up being pretty bad!

Days 71-78

I think I'm going out on this challenge with a whimper instead of a bang. I seemed to have lost my oomph. And then a holiday is thrown in the mix this last weekend...let's just say, even though I've learned some better eating habits, there are some things I can't seem to say no to.

I am very fond of the analogy of a roller coaster when it comes to life. I would rather ride a roller coaster than a merry-go-round....I prefer having the excitement, fear and thrill of going up and down rather than the dizzying round and round. However, when it comes to this weight loss thing, it is not the roller coaster I want to ride. I'm tired of the ups and downs. I want to get to that merry-go-round that is my 'ideal weight' and not have to worry about going up and down again. I know that is probably never going to be the case. The challenges of a changing, aging body will require hard work for a lifetime, I'm sure.

This challenge I have been in at the gym is about to come to a close. Friday I have my final weigh-in. As I look back at the last 11 weeks or so, I can't seem to decide if being a part of the challenge was a good or bad thing. I set out thinking I would be almost perfect in my diet and exercise in order to make great strides and win the thing. However, perfection is certainly not what I achieved. I have been beating myself up for so many years over this weight thing, that thinking I could be near perfect was a mistake. I set myself up for failure. It was way too easy to start the negative talk to myself again...and I fought giving up this whole entire time.

I don't mean to be a complete Negative Nelly here, because there have definitely been some positives...the biggest one being the encouragement I received from so many people. I just wish I could have taken that encouragement and run with it. Instead, I thought about how nice it was that people even cared what I was going through, and didn't allow it to truly spark some real enthusiasm within me.

If you can't tell, I'm struggling this week. I had a devil-may-care attitude over the weekend and I can't seem to shake it so far this week. As much as I want the merry-go-round for this one area of my life, I'm afraid it is quite the roller coaster. Perhaps I should figure out how it can be thrilling and not just depressing. I mean, really, who gets depressed on a roller coaster? It doesn't seem like that would even be possible! Sick, yes...but depressed? Absolutely terrified, yes...but sad? Maybe that is one thing I can take away from this experience. A new way of looking at it...rather than a continued struggle. Instead, it's the ride of my life!!!

Day 70

I wasn't kidding when I wrote yesterday that is wasn't gonna be a good day. I am now declaring that Sunday was my 'free' day. Now I have to make up for all the bad I did :( Waffles for breakfast, Qdoba for lunch, popcorn and a hot dog for dinner....not one decent thing was put in to my body yesterday...well, except for some water!!! It was a nice day though :) Today gotta hop back on to the good stuff bandwagon. Less than two weeks til my final weigh-in!

Day 70: Unintended free day. Whoopsy daisy.

Day 69

I didn't write anything down that I ate yesterday. I guess that means I didn't eat anything. Or...I just don't want to admit to what I ate. Let's see if I can recall....Ok, started out with shredded wheat and skim milk. Nothing bad there. Scooted off to my circuit class at the gym after that...had a great hour workout. Scooted off to the mall after a shower and stuff. Um, went to the mall hungry....tried to find the least horrible food in the food court for lunch. Settled on Hot Dog on a Stick. Pretty healthy right? I just got tired of thinking. Hey...they advertise that it's an all turkey hot dog. Great. Scooted off to a girly gathering in the afternoon...had a couple adult beverages. Went home and ate leftover shepard's pie along with potato chips and cookies. The day is just getting better, isn't it??? Holy cow, now I know why I didn't write all of this down. Scooted on back to the friend's house and had a couple more adult beverages. There aren't too many calories in those...right? Son of a gun...another weekend day completely blowing up in my face. I burned several calories laughing myself silly, so it wasn't all bad!! Today is not starting out to be any better. Good thing tomorrow is Monday and I can get back to my goody goody ways!

Day 69: Um, yeah.

Days 67-68

Well today I decided to blog first, then play games second. Yesterday, I got caught up in playing a few games and forgot to blog!

Thursday's food:

Breakfast 8:45: 2 slices light wheat bread w/ 1 oz mozzarella melted on each, 1 orange, 4 oz skim milk

Lunch 1:30: 2 hard boiled eggs, 2 cups 'triple hearts' salad, 1 tomato, crunchy o's protein supplement

Snack 3:30: Reese's egg (DARN IT!!)

Dinner 6:30: 6 oz of chicken breast (w/ bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese), 1/3 cup thin spaghetti, 2 T. marinara sauce, 1 oz mozzarella

Friday's foods:

Breakfast 10:00: protein supplement pancakes w/ banana on top

Lunch 12:00: 1 cup salad, 1 slice sausage pizza, 2 slices bread dipped in balsamic (Out to lunch)

Snack 4:00: 2 Tagalong cookies

Dinner 6:30: shepard's pie (basically meatloaf with mashed potatoes and cheese on top), corn

Snack 8:00: way too many thin mints....Holy cow!!

What can I say? Still feeling good about things....just had a few weak moments...like I seem to do most of the time! Thursday the whole Reese's egg was not my fault. I asked Beau if I could have a bite of his. Once he saw the bite out of it he didn't want it anymore. What was I supposed to do, waste it? Yeah...I'm weak!

Day 67 = pretty good day

Day 68 = comfort food day

Day 66

:) I'm pretty much riding high on the news that I have lost 51 pounds since January 9, 2009! I hadn't looked at my record at the gym for a while since I haven't been working with a trainer. I decided to meet with a trainer again yesterday and we dug out that folder and discovered just how far I've come 'officially'. I almost cried!!! It was crazy to recall just how unhappy I was, and how little I thought I could do for a workout. All of you that have been following this little blog know that I don't have this all figured out. And I'm not skipping around merrily all of the time. I'm just feeling better in my skin. Here is an example of something I would have NEVER done before 2009....After my workout yesterday, I came home and shoveled our foot of heavy, wet snow for an hour. The neighbor asked if I wanted some help...I told her, nope, it's a good workout! I used my knees...my hands weren't shaking afterwards...I'm not crippled by back pain today. I actually WANTED to do it. My energy level is so much higher. I am so thankful for the progress I've made! (My home weigh-in progress is 45.5 pounds lost....I'm kinda liking the official gym numbers better these days!)

Here's what yesterday's food looked like:

Breakfast 7:45 am: french toast: 2 slices light wheat bread dipped in 2 egg whites w/ 1/3 cup pureed frozen mixed berries on top for 'syrup', 4 oz skim milk to drink

Lunch 1:00 pm: Tuna salad on wheat, with lettuce and tomato

Snack 4:00 pm: 1/2 bag of microwave popcorn

Dinner 6:30 pm: 3 oz orange roughy, 2 cups baby spinach w/ fat free catalina dressing, 1/2 cup green beans

Snack 7:30 pm: protein bar, couple of handfuls of Life cereal

I'm learning that if I make some healthy stuff, there are actually other people in the house who will eat it. I was supposed to have 6 oz of the fish, but there were a couple of my kids, one big one and one small one, that wanted some too...which surprised me! Guess I'll make it for everyone next time! I hadn't made fish for quite some time and it tasted so good, and was so darn easy. I was asking myself why I didn't fix it more often...well, I know there's one reason...the kind of fish I like is usually pretty expensive....

My daughter who is two, couldn't get enough green beans and spinach last night. I really hope that continues as she gets older! I can only apologize now to my older kids for the bad eating habits we were in the thick of as they grew up. Right now they are all skinny kids like I was when I was younger. Hopefully, they will start to eat better too, or they won't stay that way as they get older....Gosh, it's hard to see the mistakes you've made with your kids.

Day 66: Awesome day!

Day 65

The scale is moving this week! Yesterday was another good and bad day...but I was so good the first part of the day, I don't think the second half hurt me too much. I'm blaming the second half of the day on the snowstorm that has dumped 11.5 inches on us!

Breakfast 9:30: 2 egg whites scrambled with 1/4 of a green pepper, 1 piece of Orowheat Light wheat bread, 4 oz skim milk, 1/2 grapefruit

Lunch 1:15: 5 oz ground turkey on a Smart and Delicious tortilla, 1/2 cup cooked broccoli, 2 oz cheddar cheese (a little on the tortilla, a little on the broccoli), water to drink

Dessert 2:00: pudding protein supplement

Pre-dinner treat 5:30: one glass of wine

Dinner 7:00: 6 chicken nuggets, 1/2 medium Dr. Pepper, a little less than half a medium fry...yes from McDonalds again, 1 cup baby spinach w/ fat free catalina dressing... 2 Thin Mints

Snack 10:00: 1 Tagalong cookie

I had decided early on in the day that I wasn't going to work out yesterday. I broke a bone last year in my ankle/foot and every once in a while, I start to feel like it has been stressed or something. I try to listen to my body as much as I can, and I'm pretty sure my ankle was telling me to lay off for a day.

I had a hair appointment right at the time our snowstorm started hitting. I had a bit of a challenging drive home...and was getting home later than I thought, so there were hungry troops waiting who did not want to wait an hour while I prepared what I was supposed to make for dinner. So, through the drive-thru I went on my way home....and got something for myself as well as everyone else. Still glad that I can't make it through a whole pop, or the extra value meals I was accustomed to eating before. I didn't feel too bad about it because I knew I had been pretty darn good so far the whole day.

Wouldn't you know, I got the last boxes of Girl Scout cookies this week that I had ordered! Oh, if only they had forgotten I ordered them! Yeah, I had 3 cookies last night. You got a problem with that? I didn't think so!!! :)

I also received my lab results from blood work I had done at my annual check up. My triglycerides are elevated. I'm supposed to decrease fat and cholesterol. Hmph. I actually didn't expect that....since I have already dropped a good chunk of weight, I thought I would have good numbers. They are just slightly above the range they are supposed to be in, but it was a bit of a wake up call. I guess it just shows me I still have work to do...and I need to pay a little bit more attention to leaving some certain things off of my plate. Oh, and I need some more Vitamin D. Can't wait for warm weather so I can get my 15 minutes of sun a day!

I didn't participate in Free Pastry Day at Starbucks yesterday. I had printed off the coupon, and was gonna go, but I knew if I went there, I would indulge in some way, even if I got the pastry to give to the kids. I'm really glad I didn't since the evening turned out much different than I had planned. I would have had more 'mess-ups' and I don't need that!

Day 65: I'm not sure what it is, but I'm motivated this week. Maybe it's because I realize there are less than three weeks left of the challenge at the gym. I'm just glad it's working for me right now!

Days 63-64

Sometimes, I just don't understand myself! I had another less than stellar day on Sunday. My son went and got doughnuts, and I didn't resist the urge to have them. We got hot wings for dinner. I did have half the amount than the last time we got them, but they were still not a great choice as far as nutrition goes. But then yesterday, I had a really good day! Besides the fact that I kinda forgot to eat lunch....I started out with a slice of bread with mozzarella cheese melted on it in the broiler, and 1/2 of a grapefruit. It was good to have something a little different, I guess. Then I went and did a 40 minute cardio workout later in the morning, and had a protein bar right after. One graham cracker when I got home. I headed to the grocery store. I do have to say that eating healthy is much more expensive than eating unhealthy. I spent too much money, but got plenty of things to help me stick to some good eating this week. (That was one problem on Sunday....it was pretty bare around here, especially of any healthy stuff). So, last night for dinner, I cooked up some ground turkey, divided it in to four portions. Put 5 oz in individual baggies so I have good protein to grab quickly. I used one portion to make chili for me. I pureed a tomato, added 1/4 cup water, chili powder, cayenne pepper, dried minced onion, salt, pepper, and let it simmer for a bit. It was so darn good! I didn't miss the beans, or cheese that I usually have in my chili. Or the hamburger, for that matter. So glad that I try these things! Also, I had 1 1/2 cups of baby spinach for a salad, with some Kraft fat-free Catalina dressing. I finished off with a Dulce de Lece pudding protein supplement. No Reese's egg yesterday! No plunging in to a bag of chips! This is what I don't understand about me....how can I go from a very bad day to a very good one? I didn't have any cravings for bad stuff yesterday. I felt good, and I feel good today...ready to rock it again!

Day 63: eh...a bunch of junk

Day 64: healthy eating was fun!

Motivation

I shared at the beginning of this blog that I was starting a challenge at my gym. My motivation for starting the blog was that particular event. I was recently asked about my motivation for working out and losing weight. This question has me scratching my head. I've been looking for the 'right' motivation for working out and losing weight for over twenty years. Something seems to be working right now, but can I pinpoint what it is? I'm not sure...but I'll try.

The journey I am on right now is one that encompasses so much more than just losing weight. Yeah, my initial journey started because we were taking a trip to Hawaii. Oh, and there was my husband's high school reunion in 2009. Sometimes, events like these are enough to get me going. I did not enjoy my own high school reunion in 2008 as much as I would have liked because I wasn't feeling good about myself. I felt like I was completely socially awkward. I had a hard time engaging in conversations that weekend. I had a hard time walking up to people. I kinda stood back and waited for people to come to me. Um...talk about a wake-up call. I usually thrive on interaction with people. I had a 6 month old baby at home, and was glad to use this as an excuse for why I looked the way I did. I'd been using that same old excuse for nearly 20 years! Never mind the highest weight I had been (prior to these last two babies), was 4 years AFTER I had my 3rd son. That's a little hard to excuse as 'baby weight'. That weekend of my reunion helped me to start on my quest because I didn't recognize the girl I was INSIDE anymore. The outside of me was now making the inside of me in to someone I didn't know....or like.

There was the motivation of an event, or events...the trip and the reunion. There is the motivation of trying to recognize myself again. But what I think is the hardest thing to figure out is the motivation each and every day when I am in the thick of my struggles, the stresses of life, and the 'busy'ness of life. I do know the feeling of sitting down in my kitchen, trying to draw up a plan of what to eat for the week, getting completely overwhelmed and saying 'to heck with it all' and grabbing a container of ice cream out of the freezer. I know the feeling of not knowing where to start. I know the feeling of being embarrassed to step in to a gym. I know the feeling of aching joints that seem to want to keep me from exercising. So how do I break free of those things and get up and go to the gym or for a walk? Honestly, in the beginning, I did have to pay for it. I paid for a personal trainer for several weeks. Since I was investing some money, I knew I had to make it to those training sessions. Since he gave me a sample meal plan to follow and had me keep a food diary, I had to make an effort to follow that plan so I could show him I was trying. Now, 'exercise' is just something I have to do every day. In some form or another, I know I need to be active. I'm not always successful at it every day, and I do give myself at least one day off a week. Especially after I get out of the routine for a vacation or something, it seems very easy to get back in the habit of doing nothing. I have to fight with the urge to be lazy....because I am very definitely lazy. I only have to remind myself how much more energy I have after I actually exert some energy! I also realize this is something I need to do for the rest of my life, not just in this time of 'losing weight'.

My day to day motivation is also dictated by the scale. It is a huge rush to me to see the number on the scale going down. I know there are all kinds of opinions about this...and I've said before that it may not work for everyone. But it does work for me. I step on it and it's like hitting a jackpot or something. If I have gone down even a half a pound, I have an extra pep in my step.

I mentioned how the trainer had me start keeping a food diary...he just wanted to see what I was eating and when. I add a bit more to that...often I am writing just how I'm feeling that day, that moment....I guess you see some of that in my blog. And oh, yes, the blog. At first, this blog was a huge motivator to stay on track. I didn't want to have to report my failures to everyone! I think I am still looking for the right motivation to eat better. I know I feel better when I eat the right things. I know I felt pretty yucky yesterday after eating a few too many cookies. I guess I just need to remind myself of how the different foods have an effect on me. Having to be accountable to someone or something (my food diary or my blog) is something that helps to motivate me.

I have no idea if this little post will be helpful to anyone. I continue to try and fail on a daily basis. I have good days and I have bad days. One thing that has been hugely motivating is just the encouragement I get from so many people. It makes me glad that I put this struggle out there for everyone to see, because almost every day I get an email, or comment from someone sharing their struggles, giving some advice, complimenting me, or even ASKING my advice. ALL of those things are motivating to me. Who doesn't want to know that they aren't going through this alone? That people care enough about them to advise or compliment ? That they have made enough of a difference that people ask their advice? All of that makes me feel absolutely wonderful...and I can't thank everyone enough!

Days 60-62

I don't know what is going on, but I keep forgetting to do this darn blog! The last few days, instead of logging on here, I have logged on to yahoo, and have been playing Spades instead. Priorities, Kari, come on!!

The last three days have not been stellar. But I can tell you that when I weighed in on Friday, it was my lowest weight yet! 175! Yeehaw! But then the weekend hit...and some other womanly thing hit too. Thursday I didn't do too bad...eggs and toast, strawberry and milk smoothie. I had my protein supplement pancakes for lunch with a banana, some graham cracker for snack, along with one of my beloved Reese's eggs. Dinner was beef short ribs and potatoes. More graham crackers later on that evening and another Reese's egg for dessert. (I told you it wasn't stellar!!)

Friday saw cream of wheat for breakfast, 1/2 of a chimichanga for lunch along with a tasty cold adult beverage (love going to lunch with a friend :) , and then some samplings of food at a 'gala' we went to Friday night. The samplings were like a tiny bit of coleslaw, a spoonful of some pasta dish, some orange chicken and fried rice...I think that is all I had. Not exactly 'good for you' fare. I did see some veggies and salad across the room. That stuff didn't quite make it on to my plate. Oh, and a few more tasty adult beverages. I did have my swim class which felt like a good workout! Bad and good, good and bad. AGAIN!

Yesterday I had some shredded wheat. Then I had most amazing workout I think I've ever had. It was my circuit class at the gym, but we did 'cross training', which had us going from cardio for 15 minutes to the different circuit exercises for 15 minutes, back to cardio for another 15, then a totally different bunch of circuit exercises for 15 minutes. I actually did 15 minutes of cardio prior to the class starting, so I had a bunch of good exercise yesterday! There were times I didn't think I was going to make it through the workout. But I pushed myself, and was so proud after it was all done. I had a blast on the treadmill. I can share with those who are interested just what he had us do. I have never pushed myself to run that fast on the treadmill. It was crazy but awesome!! I had a workout shake right after my class, and a banana when I got home, along with some graham crackers. I went to a party where I indulged in about 10 chips and guacamole, 4 crackers with cheese and two brownie bites, along with part of a beer. Then dinner was the lovely McDonalds. I was so glad to have some french fries. Sorry to you all, but I was craving salty food and boy did that hit the spot! My son made some oatmeal cookies yesterday, and I indulged in way too many of those. Yeah, definitely less than a stellar day. But I'm still so high off my amazing workout, I don't want to dwell on the 'mistakes'. :)

Days 60-62: What can I say? It's life that is happening to me. I am enjoying my time with family and friends, giving in to cravings, actually enjoying some exercise, washing a floor every now and then...among a trillion other things. I'm not perfect...I don't have this 'down'...I don't have some great diet I can write a book about and share with others. I struggle every day. But I can tell you that I am feeling a gazillion times better about myself. I don't have the hottest body in the pool or restaurant or event center, but it's a body I feel pretty good in right now. And not only because it's a few sizes smaller. I feel good in this body because it is a body that is working so much better than it did before. I don't get winded just climbing up the stairs to our second floor. I can pick up 20 pound weights and step up and down on a giant step for 40 seconds at a time, without feeling like I'm gonna keel over. I don't hesitate to take a walk to the park with the kids anymore because I don't have to worry about whether I will be in pain or not on the way back home. Yeah, I think I'll keep going. 175 pound Kari is a much happier and healthy person than 220 pound Kari.

Day 59

I guess I was kind of still on my break yesterday. I started out with shredded wheat and skim milk for breakfast...then broke down and had a cheeseburger at lunch. I also broke down and had one of those Reese's eggs....those have got to be one of my favorite candies. They are so much better than the regular peanut butter cup because there is so much more of the peanut butter! I LOVE THEM!! It used to be they only came out with the eggs at Easter...now they have trees at Christmas. I'm sure they probably had something at Valentine's Day and oh yeah, I think there were pumpkins at Halloween. Definitely one of my weaknesses. Boy, I have many of those!!! (Oh, and dinner was a banana, cottage cheese and one small slice of leftover pizza, all spread out over about two hours.)

Instead of hitting the gym yesterday, I decided to enjoy our beautiful weather, and took a fast-paced one-hour walk around town. I had the tunes cranked, and probably looked kinda silly with a smile plastered on my face. It was so good to get outside! I had also walked to the park with my baby girl earlier in the day. That was a pretty good workout too, because she wanted to be carried most of the way. She walked the whole way this weekend....I don't know why she couldn't do it yesterday! Oh well....she was like some weight dumbbells or something :)

I vowed yesterday morning to make it an amazing day. I think I accomplished that! Besides being ready to clock out of my mom duties at about 9:00 pm last night...and reminding myself that clocking out doesn't ever really happen...I had a day of pretty positive thinking, not beating myself up, and sunshine! Amazing what a couple of days of sunshine and warm weather does for my attitude!

Day 59: Hello Sun! Sorry, you'll be leaving again for a bit...I will be eagerly awaiting your return!!

Day 58

Yesterday I didn't keep track of what I ate. We ordered pizza for dinner...I nibbled on some of the kids' McDonalds at lunch time, then had a bowl of cereal with a banana mid-afternoon. That banana was my only fruit or veggie yesterday...besides the tomato sauce on the pizza...heeheehee. But it was a good day. It helped to vent my frustrations first thing in the morning on this blog. It helped that it was one of those beautiful Colorado days. It helped that I got to lay down for an hour and have someone work magic on my body. (Speaking of a massage, ya'll...I know some of you were probably going a different direction....) It helped that I just didn't stress about what I was going to eat and not going to eat for the day. It helped that several of you sent your encouragement my way. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be gung ho today, but I have plans to make it an amazing day, somehow :)

Day 58: How many breaks am I going to take on this journey, anyway?!

Day 57

So, I told a friend yesterday that I was tired of myself. Announced it to the facebook world this morning too. I am so tired of screwing up as I'm trying to make it to this goal. Why am I not motivated enough to stick to my guns? Why is the reward that I am promising myself for every ten pounds lost, not enough to keep me from grabbing a bag of Cheetos? I'm just sick of the excuses I continue to make...I don't feel good, I'm about to get my period, I deserve to mess up a little because I've been 'good', I need to get to the grocery store, etc.

And here is the kicker...I don't want to try anything else. I know how to eat pretty well, I know how to get to the gym...I don't want to try this diet plan or that one, or that workout machine or this one. My attitude is pretty poor at the moment, I guess. I just want this to happen. Maybe 2009 was not such a good year for me. I lost weight pretty easy. I made a few changes and it just came off. The official total was 38.5 pounds in one year. Now I don't seem to know how to do the 'real' work. Most of that weight loss happened in the first eight months. The last six months has resulted in the same 4 or 5 pounds being lost and gained again and again. It's easy to see, when looking at the diary I'm keeping of the food I am eating, just why this happens. I want a healthy lifestyle but am unwilling to give up ALL of the unhealthy stuff. And then I either sabotage myself by buying stuff I know I shouldn't have, or someone else brings it into the house, and I can't seem to resist. Blah, blah, blah....SEE! You have got to be sick of hearing this stuff over and over again too!

I am finally going to go reward myself for 40 pounds lost today. I am getting a massage. I LOVE getting massages. I wish I could get them every day, or every week at least! I have made this my reward for every 10 pounds lost. Since I have had a hard time staying under that 179 weight that is officially 40 pounds lost, I have put off the reward until I could maintain it for a bit. Well, besides my weigh-in after Vegas, I have stayed at or under that since February 9th. I guess it's about time I celebrate it. Now....how about I make it to the next 10 pound milestone? Motivation, inspiration, any other 'tion' that could help me out...I'm looking for it!!!!

Day 57: Crap, crap and more crap. Don't even want to admit to it all. Is this where people often give up? I'm sure it is. But this is a lifetime commitment. A rough week, is not going to break me. I may start bawling here in a bit, but maybe that's what I need...just to let it all out!!!

Day 56

I don't have much good to report about yesterday. I felt very strange...after eating one of my normal breakfasts of shredded wheat, I was very dizzy. I thought perhaps I needed some protein, so I had some cottage cheese, and drank some water. That wasn't helping, so instead of going to work out, as I had intended, I went to lay down. I spent a good portion of the day just resting in my bed, trying to keep the room from spinning. I did force down 2 cups of romaine lettuce for lunch/snack. But I also tried some other things. I didn't really feel sick or nauseous...just dizzy. So weird! The healthy stuff didn't work so I tried some sugar...that seemed to help a little. But I went overboard then. It was like an excuse to eat crap. At least by dinner time, I was feeling normal again. Finished off the day by making white chicken chili, which was very good. Minus the cheese and sour cream in it, it would probably be pretty healthy too.

Day 56: Weird day. And it snowed again...after a beautiful day Saturday. What the heck?!!

Days 54-55

I totally forgot to write yesterday! Sorry about that! So here are the last two days....

Friday:

Breakfast 7:15 am: 1 cup Cheerios, 1 banana, 1 cup skim milk

Snack 11:10 am: protein bar

Lunch 12:45 pm: Applebee's Lunch Pair: (tomato basil soup, shrimp salad) Dr. Pepper and 1/2 a chocolate mousse dessert shooter :)

Snack 3:00 pm: 12 pretzel sticks, 1 graham cracker

Dinner 7:00 pm: Soft pretzel

Snack 9:00 pm: 2 Coors Lights

Saturday:

Breakfast 8:00 am: 1 whole bagel, 1 T. peanut butter, water to drink

Snack 12:30 pm: protein bar

Lunch 1:00 pm: 1/2 ham sandwich (Beau didn't finish his), 3 egg white, 1/4 of a green pepper, 1/8 cup monterey jack cheese (I was starving after my workout!)

Snack 5:00 pm: 1 graham cracker, 3 pizza rolls

Dinner 7:00 pm: Hooters hot wings (12), 8 curly fries, 1 Coors Light

Friday I had my swim class. I got there early and did about 10 minutes of laps myself. Then we had a 45 minute class. It was a good workout! I am getting a little frustrated because I can't seem to get the whole turning and breathing thing very well...about halfway down the length of the pool, I get a mouth or nose full of water. But I'm not discouraged! I really want to learn...I find being in the water very fun for a different kind of exercise!

I went to the Broomfield girls basketball championship game Friday night and watched them win their 4th consecutive state title! It was a 6 pm game...and I broke down and bought one of those soft, big pretzels....but I bought a $3.50 water instead of a pop! Concession stands are not exactly the best places to try and get your dinner when you are trying to be careful with fat and calories :)

Yesterday was a beautiful day! I had my circuit class at the gym, which I really like! I sweat A LOT and feel like I am getting an awesome work out! After lunch, my husbandand I and three of our kids walked to the park. It was so nice to be outside! I have been missing the warmth and the sunshine. I am so ready for warm weather! It was not a brisk walk, since there were two toddlers making the trek, but at least it was getting out and off our butts!

I did really well with my nutrition yesterday until I was craving hot wings for dinner....They tasted so amazing....I didn't stop at the 6 or 7 I was going to have. There are a lot of calories in hot wings...too bad! Thankfully, I had my workout yesterday to kind of even things out...but Hooters hot wings did not help me to make any headway! Darn my cravings!

Days 54-55: Balance....it's what I'm trying to find. It all does seem like checks and balances...if I have that, then I shouldn't have that.... I am realizing this is for a lifetime. I had to get away from the mentality that after I lose the weight I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. All that did was make me want the things I wasn't having, even more. Yeah, I wish the weight were coming off faster. But I am happy that I am making changes that I can live with forever. Yes, I continue to have weak moments...sometimes seems like I'm sabotaging myself when I undo all the good I've done with one splurge of a meal. It is really helping me to stay sane, though. And staying sane is something good to strive for, in my opinion. :)

Day 53

Not a whole lot to say about yesterday...Here are the facts:

Breakfast 10:00 am: 1 whole bagel, 1 T. natural peanut butter, 1 cup OJ

Lunch/Dinner 4:30 pm: soft taco supreme, water to drink

Dinner 6:15 pm: 1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese

Dinner/Snack 7:30 pm: 2 cups romaine lettuce, 1 T. fat free catalina dressing, 3/4 Froot Loops, 1/2 cup 2% milk

Snack 8:30 pm: 12 pretzel sticks

It was just kind of a messed up day! I'm not complaining because I really didn't go overboard on anything...which is really good. I guess I wasn't hungry first thing in the morning, so I put off breakfast...which caused me not to be hungry for lunch when I should have been. Then we went to a basketball tournament thing at the middle school, which lasted longer than I thought it would. So, I kinda missed lunch altogether!

I'm pretty happy that I'm back down to what I was before Vegas happened. Whew! Now to continue the downward progress....

Day 53: Kari was pretty darn good :)

Day 52

If you read the entry I made last night, you know I didn't get my butt in to the gym yesterday. Brooke was protesting when I was ready to leave, and I knew she needed a nap, so I decided to lay down with her instead of going to the gym. I was feeling guilty about leaving the kids....After my little trip, and leaving them on Tuesday a couple of different times, AND since I would be leaving for a meeting in the evening, I decided cuddling up with her would be fine. I intend to go today. :) Here's what yesterday looked like:

Breakfast 8:30: 1 cup shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk

Snack 10:30: Protein shake blended with 10 strawberries, 2.5 graham crackers

Lunch 1:00: 3 egg whites, 1/4 green papper, 1/8 cup monterey jack cheese, 1 slice whole wheat toast w/ 1 T. natural peanut butter, water to drink

Snack 4:00: Hershey bar, 10 cheese puffs

Dinner? 8:00: About 20 kettle chips, w/ some sort of dip (which was very yummy, and I'm sure very lowfat and low cal...bwahahaha), 1 tagalong cookie, 1 Lindor truffle, about 6 oz of Dr. Pepper

I did get in about 80 oz of water yesterday. I was tracking my calories on livestrong, and I knew that I had 110 calories remaining for the day when I left for my meeting at 6:15. I had intended to eat a salad and some cottage cheese before I left, so I wouldn't be hungry and I could pass on the snack food there. However, I was running late, which always seems to happen, and I ended up heading to the meeting hungry. So a-snacking I did go. Poo! Instead of being right on with my calories for the day, I ended up like 400 over (probably more, really) Bummer. I opened the door when I opened the Hershey bar...my "good" day, plunged in to "bad"!!!

Day 52: I feel guilty I missed my exercise, but I don't feel guilty about spending the time with the kids instead :)

Day 51

I can't believe I forgot to blog this morning! Boy, one weekend away and it's throwing my whole little routine off! I kinda got back on track yesterday. Then went right back off. Oops.

Breakfast: 1 cup Cheerios, 3/4 cup skim milk

Post-workout Snack: protein bar

Lunch: 2 Chicken strips from ChickFilA, small order of waffle fries, water to drink

Snack: Hershey's Cookies n Cream candy bar, apple

Dinner: 3 small cod strips (out to eat), about 8 french fries, Coors Light

I worked out on the elliptical yesterday. I was only able to endure it for 39 minutes. Too many sore places, mainly my knees. I hate taking time off from working out...Just makes starting up again so darn hard. I went to Vegas with the intention of working out every day except maybe one. But when you have to pay to use the gym in the hotel, it seems less appealing. I did see people running outside on the strip...couldn't even think about doing that. Too many dang people. With my luck, I would trip and fall...probably right in front of those people handing out the nice little cards and pamphlets about the lovely lady companions around town. Oh well, that's in the past, and I just need to get back in my routine. (A little preview of tomorrow's blog...I didn't do crap today, as far as exercise. Any little excuse to not go has been sufficient so far. I really hate disappointing myself, so why do I do it? Losing my "trainer" buddy has been rough...no direction when I get to the gym...and on days like today, no extra reason to make it there in the first place.)

Day 51: Good and bad, good and bad, yet again!

Day 50

I don't have much to report about yesterday. I mean, I don't have much that I WANT to report about yesterday. Apparently, I was still on vacation. I started the day with some oatmeal...but it just went downhill from there. I didn't really have another meal after that. Just snacked on various things like Smart Puffs, graham crackers, cereal, a bagel. Not one vegetable, and part of an apple as my only fruit. I do have a little bit of an excuse...the cupboards and fridge are bare. I needed to get to the store, but my body was not cooperating. I was tired, and sore from walking around Vegas in less than great shoes. I'm trying to get back on track today, but I've been up since 2:30 am, so it's going to be a struggle. Lack of sleep makes me want all the wrong things to eat. I will try my best to get back on track...Send me your positive vibes! :)

Days 45-49

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Day 44

It was an interesting day yesterday. I actually did ok, with a couple of minor indulgences. But I had a big struggle in the afternoon after my workout. I was so very hungry. In fact, about half way through my workout, I was already hungry! I didn't completely fall off and grab junk...but I certainly wasn't ready to grab a salad or something either. Here goes:

Breakfast 9:30 am: 1/2 plain bagel, 1 T. natural peanut butter, 1 cup Orange Juice w/ calcium

Pre-Lunch Indulgence 12:30 pm: Kroger cheese puffs...about 10 (they are small :), 1/3 cup Kraft macaroni and cheese (light preparation which is skim milk, and half the butter) It's what I was making for the kids...

Lunch 1:00 pm: 2 egg whites, 1 egg, 1/8 cup shredded monterey jack cheese, 1/2 red pepper

Post-workout snack 3:45 pm: APEX workout shake, 2 graham cracker sheets, 1/4 cup lightly salted cashews (it was suggested to have some nuts when I mentioned I was so hungry..almonds would have been preferable, but this was all I had on hand, and they did the trick...for a little while)

Post-post-workout snack 4:40 pm: 1 apple (and lots of water, finally helped to take the hunger away!)

Dinner 7:45 pm: about 4 oz of pork tenderloin (w/ a bunch of spices, done in crock pot) on a smart and delicious whole wheat tortilla w/ 1/8 cup cheddar cheese, water to drink.

Evening Snack 9:00 pm: protein bar

I had an hour workout on the elliptical, burning about 700 calories. I drank ten 8 oz glasses of water throughout the day.

It was just a crazy day as far as my hunger goes. Ate breakfast late, and lunch late enough to fuel my workout, I thought, anyway! I'm just glad that when I was extremely hungry, I kept my head straight enough to grab things that weren't as bad as, say the potato chips in the cupboard. Good news is, there are fewer things like that for me to choose from. I haven't been buying as much stuff to tempt myself. But there is usually always something around for me to grab, like the cheese puffs today, while I was making lunch for everybody. I know...some celery or carrots would have been a better choice. But hey, I know my weaknesses...I won't buy those anymore! :)

Day 44: Pretty successful day! Seriously....I can't imagine anyone is reading this anymore....Oh wait! I know my mom is! Love you, Mom!!! :)

Day 43

I don't think eating out is a very good idea anymore :(. I was shocked to see the amount of calories that were in my little trip to the Outback the other night. Just eating a salad and appetizer, and a tiny little dessert amounted to more calories than I should have the whole day. Such a dang bummer. I did ok yesterday...despite a little dive into a bag of Wavy Lay's....

Breakfast 10:00 am: 3 egg whites, 1/2 red pepper, 1/2 avocado, 1/8 cup monterey jack cheese, 3/4 cup orange juice, whole wheat toast w/ 1 T. natural peanut butter

Lunch 1:45 pm: 2 cups spinach, w/ fat free catalina dressing (1 T.), 1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese, Wavy Lay's...about 15 chips, water to drink

Snack 2:30 pm: chocolate cake protein supplement

Snack 4:00 pm: Gushers (I pretended it was really fruit...heeheehee)

Dinner 6:00 pm: 1/8 recipe of upside down pizza (ground beef, spaghetti sauce, mozzarella cheese, parmesan cheese, reduced fat crescent rolls) 8 baby carrots

Snack 8:00 pm : 2 graham cracker sheets

No work out yesterday. I was so darn sore from my class on Saturday! I'm going to have to work hard at getting these work outs in this week. With a little trip happening this week, I know my nutrition is not going to be stellar, and working out will be difficult to do when the blackjack tables are calling my name :) I need to do the best I can, though. Sure don't want to see a huge gain for one weekend away.

Day 43: Snack monster seems to be hounding me again. I'm ready to punch it in the face.

Day 42

My weigh-in went fine yesterday. I stepped on the scale to see that I had lost 5 pounds from January 17th. I wish it would have been more for 6 weeks of work, but it was something. Then they did some other measurements and calculations which put me at 6.5 pounds of fat lost, 1 pound of lean muscle mass gained, and 3% decrease in my body fat percentage. It was actually good for me to see that I lost more of the bad, and gained some good...that's why the scale doesn't always reflect the work I'm doing. I'm not proud of how the rest of the day went, however. I guess I felt I was entitled to a bit of a break or something. I didn't consume a whole bunch of food...just not very good food.

Breakfast 9:00 am: oatmeal, banana, skim milk, brown sugar (before weigh-in and workout)

Post-workout snack 12:30 pm: protein bar

Lunch 2:00 pm: 2 very large slices of pizza (Anthony's...how I ate both of these I do not know, but I know I was good and hungry after the tough workout), water to drink

Snack 5:00 pm: 1/2 cup Cap'n Crunch, milk

Dinner 7:30 pm: 3 slices of Outback bread (with butter), Chopped pecan side salad, crab stuffed shrimp appetizer (4 shrimp), 1/2 of the sample portion of the Chocolate Thunder Down Under brownie dessert, Mr. Pibb to drink, and a glass of water too

I had a really tough circuit class work out yesterday. I am still incredibly sore from it today, especially in my hips. It makes walking up and down the stairs a nice adventure. I'm tempted to make this my "off" day for a work out. However, I know the next week is going to be a strange one since I have a trip coming up. Maybe I should make it in there. I don't know....

It is good to know that I can order appetizers for meals and be satisfied. I couldn't have imagined ordering one of the full meals, complete with a couple of side dishes and some hunk of meat! I'm not sure how bad, calorically, everything was that I had yesterday. I guess I'll find out when I start plugging it all in on the website. I do know, it's back to good stuff today :) I did cave and have pop with our dinner....I was feeling tired and we were on our way to our son's concert so I wanted to feel more awake! It seemed to help. I know...excuses, excuses....

Day 42: Already halfway done with this challenge. Not quite where I thought I might be as far as weight loss. But it was motivating to hear that like half the participants didn't show up for their weigh in. That cuts my competition in half :)

Day 41

You would think with a weigh-in looming large today that I would have been on my best behavior yesterday. That wasn't the case. I'm bummed that I didn't make better snacking choices...but I'm also wondering why I was doing all the snacking!

yesterday:

Breakfast 8:30 am: 1 cup shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk

Lunch 12:30 pm: leftover ham and potato soup, 1 breadstick, 2 cups spinach with fat free Catalina dressing

Snacks from about 2:00 to 3:00 pm: 1 mini Nestle crunch, way too many donettes, cashews

Snacks from about 4:00 to 5:00 pm: more cashews, protein bar, Gushers

Dinner 7:30 pm: 1 slice cheese thin crust pizza, about 6 crackers and cheese, 2 cookies, 1 slice french bread

Drinks 10:00 pm: Coors Light

I had my swim lesson in the morning which felt like a really good workout. It was a good 35 minutes, at least, of lap drills. I think I got about 80 ounces of water in yesterday.

I probably should have passed on eating the leftover soup, but it was easy and needing to be used up. It still tasted really good...and I accompanied it with a nice big spinach salad, so I felt a little better about it :)

I guess you can see the snacking was a little bit out of control. I grabbed things I shouldn't have, and things that just made me want more snacks. I just now realized I didn't have any fruit yesterday. That would have been a much better choice! Not sure why I did all of this. Like I said, I thought I would be eating very well knowing that I had to check in at the halfway mark of this challenge at the gym. I guess it's too late now...I can't dwell on the fact that I 'messed up'. I'll just go see how far I've come, and put in a good workout at my circuit class today!

I was out painting pottery last night...out with the girls! We had snacky foods and I abstained from the wine while we were there. It was the heading out to LoDo's that had me grabbing a beer or two. It's all good...there was a day I would have had pop while we were painting, and still done the beer later. I've cut out some of those calories I used to consume! Thinking positive, thinking positive, thinking positive :)

Day 41: Not a stellar day. BUT, I love swim class and the new exercise variety it is giving me. Had a fun night with my peeps....So there was definitely good that came out of the day! (Am I allowed to say 'peeps', at almost 40 years old?)

Day 40

Oh happy day! I woke up with no headache today! I still had one yesterday, except for when I worked out. Not sure what that is about...but I am cautiously optimistic at the moment. Maybe today will be headache free!

yesterday's foods:

Breakfast 8:00 am: egg scramble: 2 egg whites, 1 egg, 1/4 green pepper, 1/8 cup monterey jack cheese, 1 cup skim milk, 1 piece whole wheat toast w/ Skippy natural peanut butter (about 3 tsp)

Snack 10:00 am: 4 Hostess Donettes (who bought these anyway?!)

Lunch 12:45 pm: 1 chicken nugget, 4 bites of cheeseburger, 2 apple slices, 1 6" Subway tuna on wheat w/ lettuce, tomato, provolone cheese, 3/4 of a white chocolate chunk macadamia nut cookie (at the mall....yes, I was hungry :( )

Post-Workout Snack 3:45 pm: APEX workout shake

Dinner 6:30 pm: cashew rice, stir fry chicken, 1 Coors Light

Snack 8:30 pm: protein bar

I worked out for 50 minutes on the elliptical, burning 545 calories. I probably got just about 64 ounces of water in...not enough, I'm sure!

So, today is Friday, and if I'm switching to a Friday weigh-in, I guess I will report that I am down 1/2 pound from last Friday. Tomorrow is the 6-week weigh-in at the gym. I hope to see some good results there!

I do feel like I am creating some good new habits. It is hard not to get frustrated that it isn't going a little faster. It would seem with a trip to the gym every day, that I would be seeing results faster...but the whole nutrition piece needs to get in line, I guess. I am encouraged though, that I am wanting to go to the gym every day, and not dreading it. I hope this continues....I just know that it's important for me to incorporate exercising in to my 'normal' life, not just when I want to lose weight. I am almost 40...and I need to keep my heart healthy, my bones, muscles, organs healthy! Sitting on the couch isn't gonna do that...I am fortunate that I am able to take the time every day to get up and go to the gym. I encourage anyone who is struggling with finding the time, to make it a priority. So much good comes from it...for you and even for the people surrounding you. Even if it's for a 20 minute walk outside...no gym membership required :)

I bought some new jeans yesterday. I haven't wanted to buy any clothes because I want to think I'll be getting out of my current size soon. But I am in love with the fact that these were a size 12. I can't believe I was putting on size 22 jeans about a year and a half ago. And they were feeling snug. I want to cry, thinking about how sad I was to be so much bigger. I really tried to be happy with myself, and accept that I was going to be that size forever. I wanted it to be ok, no matter what size I was...I was still 'me', after all. And I didn't want to do the work to lose weight. But I had the worries in the back of my mind...what if I get diabetes? what if I have a heart attack? Although I know I can't really prevent these things from happening...I can do what I can to make them less likely. I was "obese", and it was a good day when I decided that wasn't going to be ok anymore.

Not sure where the reflectiveness is coming from today, but I'm just feeling like I need to look at how far I've come to maybe encourage me in the continuing journey. :)

Day 40: It was another good and bad day :) But mostly good!!!

Day 39

I am thankful that I did not experience a migraine yesterday. I am still experiencing a headache which is really bumming me out. Guess it will be time to check things out if it goes on much longer. I still feel as if my muscles are tight all over and I'm just wondering if that could be why the head hurts. Oh how I can't wait for that massage to get scheduled!

Yesterday's foods:

Breakfast 8:30 am: 1 cup spoon size shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk

Snack 10:15 am: 4 Hostess Donettes

Lunch 12:30 pm: Scrambled 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1/4 of a red pepper, 1/8 cup monterey jack cheese; 1 orange, 1 graham cracker

Post-workout snack 4:00 pm: APEX workout shake, banana

Dinner 6:30 pm: small bowl of cheesy potato and ham soup, 1 pillsbury breadstick (I did make the soup with skim milk, and it has celery and onion in it....It was super yummy, and a hit with the family! Just kept my portion on the small side :)

Snack 8:00 pm: 1 package of Gushers 'fruit' snacks

I worked out for an hour on the treadmill, burning 645 calories according to stats on the treadmill. Not sure how I'm able to burn more calories on the elliptical in the same amount of time...but I continue to go back and forth between the two machines to try and use different muscles, and so my body doesn't get used to any one thing. I'm missing my weight work outs with my training partner. I hope we'll be able to meet up again soon. Without him, I have just been choosing to kick up the cardio a notch.

I got about 70 ounces of water in yesterday. I did take Advil on two occasions as I felt my headache start to intensify.

Day 39: Ah, no blinding headache!

Day 38

Yesterday was a rough day. That headache I came down with on Monday night was still there when I woke up in the morning. And then, oh joy...it went right on in to being a migraine. I spent a good portion of the day in bed, trying to stay away from the brightness of the sun, with compresses on my face. I haven't had a migraine in like 6 years. I wasn't real pleased to experience one again. So, let's just say that eating and exercise were not a major concern yesterday. I couldn't think about even sipping water, much less eating, while I was in the middle of this darn thing. Thankfully, it went back to just being a headache in the late afternoon. I still have a dull ache in my head today. I hope it just stays that way and doesn't develop in to anything else! I hated missing a workout yesterday. I am anxious to get back at it today.

Day 38: Ouch!

Day 37

Ah, Monday. Back to 'real life' yesterday. No "made to order" breakfast and free happy hour. But real life is good too! Especially at the moment, since my son just called to me out of the blue.."Mommy!" me: "What?" Beau: "I love you." Yeah, I'm good with real life right about now!

Yesterday:

Breakfast 9:45 am: 1 cup spoon size shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk (yep, back to that again :)

Snack 12:15 pm: 1 graham cracker (ok, so maybe it counts as 2 or 4, but it was one full sheet)

Lunch 1:45 pm: 1 leftover Popeye's chicken breast with skin and breading removed, 1/2 biscuit, water to drink

Post-workout snack 4:00 pm: protein bar, 2 stalks celery w/ 1 T. peanut butter

Snack 6:00 pm: 2 graham cracker sheets

Dinner 8:30 pm: 1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese, water to drink

I worked out for one hour on the elliptical...according to the machine, I burned 700 calories :) I also got in about 70 to 75 oz of water in yesterday.

Was a good day, however, I came down with a headache in the evening. I didn't much feel like eating, and had to really force myself to even eat the cottage cheese as my "dinner". Woke up with the same headache this morning. I do feel a lot of tension in my shoulders, so it may have to do with that. I am glad to be keeping the food diary I am keeping because I can look back and see exactly what I've done to see if it can clue me in to where these headaches might come from. I'm wondering about hormones, my bed, caffeine, my pillow...hope I can narrow down the cause soon. It's not fun dealing with these headaches! Especially when taking some meds doesn't work. I've got a call in for a massage...hopefully I can get in soon and see if that will help out!

Day 37: Return to the real world complete with a real headache. Dag nabbit!!

Days 34-36

The last scrapbooking retreat I went on was in September. I gained five pounds over 3 1/2 days. I was concerned that I would come back home and see similar fruits of my labor for this weekend as well. However, I am up just a pound from Friday. Considering the silly things I did this weekend, that is very good news.

I won't really recap all that I ate this weekend. It wasn't all terrible. But let me just mention the hotel we stayed at had free happy hour drinks from 5:30 to 7:30 both Friday and Saturday nights. I am a sucker for free things, so I got my money's worth :) Hee hee! But I split a dinner with a friend Friday night, worked out for over an hour on Saturday, and chose to have egg white omelettes both mornings. What's that? Did I hear someone asking what else I had with those omelettes? Well, only the best dang waffles I have ever had in my life. Seriously, the thing melted in my mouth. I'm sure it was whole grain, and low fat. :/ Oh, and the Mr. Pibb I had along with my breakfast? Just my 'coffee' to get me going. See, I told you I did some silly things. I did manage to have a terrific time, and accomplished some scrapbooking as well!

I do want to have a very good week this week though....My six week weigh-in at the gym is on Saturday. I will be very interested to see what the change is in my body fat percentage. Although I don't seem to be seeing drastic results on the scale, I am fairly confident that there are some good things going on in this body!!!

Days 34-36: Fun, fun, fun...and a nice break for this momma!

Day 33

Yesterday was a bit of a crazy day. When there are doctor's appointments, along with other appointments and broken garage doors, the little bit of a 'routine' that I have, gets thrown out of whack!

Breakfast 8:30 am: 3 egg whites scrambled with 1/4 of a green bell pepper and 1 oz of cheddar cheese, 1 whole wheat piece of toast with 1 tsp honey, 1 cup skim milk

Lunch 1:45 pm: 1/2 Carl's Jr. Kid cheeseburger that my daughter didn't eat, 8 fries, 1/2 cup mixed veggies (carrots, cauliflower, broccoli) w/ cheddar cheese, 2 oz chicken, 1/2 slice whole wheat bread, 1 tsp Miracle Whip Light, 1 sweet gherkin, tiny bit of cheese melted on top. (I actually made one whole slice of bread, with more of everything on it, but I couldn't eat the whole thing, perhaps because of the 1/2 a cheeseburger I inhaled prior to this).

Snack 3:15 pm: Chocolate cake protein supplement

Snack 5:30 pm: 2 Tagalong cookies

Dinner 7:00 pm: 1.5 slices leftover pizza, 1/4 of a can of Dr. Pepper, 4 Thin Mint cookies.

The day started off so well! I purposely tried to have a 'good' breakfast knowing that I would want to eat the leftover pizza for lunch or dinner. The things I did wrong were done out of being too hungry...going too long w/o eating. Running to a Doctor's appt in Denver with the kids took up a good portion of the morning. I should have taken snacks with me. I ran some other errands, and by the time we got home, I was starving and ate the half of a cheeseburger before I got my meal prepared. On the bright side, at least I didn't get something for myself in the drive thru!

I was stranded in the house for a while because our garage door broke. Therefore, I did not get a work out in yesterday. I intended to go in the evening instead, but with it snowing outside, and the couch calling my name, I didn't go. I had another appointment at 4:30 which took longer than I anticipated. By the time I got home, I was starving again and grabbed cookies while I started to reheat pizza. A bit later, I popped open a DP, and downed a slice of pizza but couldn't drink much of the pop. That's good news! At least I know it is getting harder for me to do some of these 'bad' things. The FOUR Thin Mints were just there...yikes! At least all the Girl Scout cookies are about gone. That is, until the last little girl I ordered from gets in touch with me.

I will be attending a scrapbooking retreat this weekend, so I won't have another blog entry until Monday. We'll see how the weekend goes....There is usually a lot of snacking that goes on at these things. I will be taking some veggies...but I know I'll be tempted by other things. I just hope I can keep it together for the weekend, so all my progress isn't lost!

I weighed in at 177.5 today. I'm going to see how a Friday weigh-in works. Considering I was 179 on Monday, I'm already liking the switch to Friday! :)

Day 33: Some good, some bad. Busy, and lazy, at the same time...Story of my life!

Day 32

I had a lovely day yesterday celebrating our 20th anniversary. I ended up eating out every meal. I did not plan that...but I did pretty ok:

Breakfast 9:30 am: Starbucks perfect oatmeal w/ everything, splash of skim milk, 1/2 of a short skinny vanilla latte (I didn't know that you could order a 'short' since it isn't on the menu. This is plenty for me! I ended up giving half to my son because that's what moms do sometimes.)

Snack 11:30 am: 1/2 bag of Crunchos (protein snack)

Lunch 12:15 pm: caesar salad, no croutons, no dressing (asked for it on the side, dipped my fork in about every 4th bite) 1/2 pound snow crab legs, 1.5 garlic cheddar biscuits, water to drink

Post-workout Snack 3:15 pm: Apex workout shake

Snack 4:00 pm: banana

Dinner 6:30 pm: 1.5 slices Domino's pizza, 2.5 cinnastix, water to drink

I did 45 minutes on the elliptical, as well as a 10 minute ab workout.

I probably should have had a salad along with my pizza last night. I just wasn't in the mood. In fact, I really would have liked a beer with my pizza, but I didn't have one in the house. I guess that was a good thing! Saved me a few calories!

I was proud of myself at Red Lobster...I usually go overboard with my meals there. This time, I just ordered the crab legs, which are actually an 'add on' to any meal, but they will let you get them by themselves. I also asked for just a salad. I have learned to order caesar salads with the dressing on the side, because I prefer to eat the romaine lettuce rather than iceberg, which is what comes in most house salads. I would rather get more nutritional value out of my salad! I don't soak my crab legs in the butter anymore...although I do dip about every third piece in it...just a dip, not a soak!

Day 32: Emotional day...was riding high most of the day...took a tumble at the end. Glad I didn't start stuffing my face with junk when I took that tumble!

Day 31

Let me start by saying today that I can't believe I have been married for twenty years. Today is our anniversary...and I am truly amazed that I have the man beside me that I do. He doesn't seem to mind if I am 200 pounds or 145...he just wants me to stop complaining! :)

Yesterday:

Breakfast 8:00 am: you guessed it...shredded wheat and skim milk :)

Snack 10:45 am: 10 cheese puffs

Lunch 12:30 pm: 6 oz chicken breast, 1/2 cup green beans, 1 Tagalong cookie

Post-workout Snack 4:00 pm: protein bar, about 10 kettle cooked potato chips

Dinner 7:00 pm: 1/2 french dip sandwich (thinly sliced pot roast, provolone cheese on a hoagie bun), 1/2 cup mixed veggies w/ cheddar cheese, 2 Thin Mints

I did a half hour workout on the treadmill and a half hour of weights.

Craving salty food lately. Hmmm...wonder what that could mean. I still feel pretty good about yesterday, even though I had a handful of cheese puffs and of potato chips. My water intake is staying pretty consistent this week, which makes a big difference. I have been battling headaches the last two days, for some reason. They seem to go away after my work outs, so I'm wondering if it is some sort of tension in my neck or shoulders that gets relieved when I start to move around more. But they may be a symptom of something else that is kinda girly :)

Day 31: Just another day! Are you guys getting bored with this yet??? :)

Day 30

30 days already? Down 2.5 pounds in 30 days. Not exactly what I was hoping for. However, it is a loss, and that is what I have to be happy about. I haven't gained! :)

Yesterday:

Breakfast 8:30 am: 1 cup shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk (I'm stuck on this right now...it's just tastes so good and it's filling. I'm usually in a hurry, so quick and easy is the way to go!)

Snack 11:00 am: protein shake w/ banana

Lunch 12:15 pm: 1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese, Green Giant Garden Vegetable Medley

Dessert 12:45 pm: Cinnamon twists that my son made from refrigerated biscuits. They were really good and I probably ate too many. Oh, and 1/2 a Dr. Pepper which was an attempt at relieving a headache that wasn't going away. It didn't help. Believe it or not, the headache went away after my workout!

Post-workout snack 4:45 pm: protein bar

Dinner 7:00 pm: 4 oz baked chicken breast, 1/2 cup green beans, romaine salad w/ 1/2 tablespoon of ranch dressing, 1 Tagalong

Snack 8:30 pm: Edamame, 8 cheese puffs

I surprised myself by staying on the elliptical for an hour, burning over 700 calories. I was really not wanting to go to the gym for some reason. To actually make it there and then do such a long workout was a victory.

I was trying real hard to restrain myself last night as I was watching the Olympics. I finally gave in and had a snack of edamame even though I should have been done eating for the night. At least I chose that, and not something else...oh well, then I had a few cheese puffs. Oops.

Day 30: The kids were home, and my son made those darn cinnamon twists. Without those yesterday, I think I would have had a really successful day. Instead, it was a fairly successful day :)

Day 29

Well, for a good portion of the week, I was down about 3 pounds. My activities on the weekend almost erased all of that progress. At least I am down one pound from last week. But, hello, I am frustrated with myself. This is where I've been sitting for so many months. No matter what progress I make, I end up right back in this vicinity. I know it's my own fault for continuing to 'mess up'. What I think I'm realizing, is that the kinds of things I was doing before, are not enough now. I have to work harder at losing these next 40 pounds than I did the first. Why would it take me 6 months to realize this? I blamed it on our vacation, the holidays, the lack of workouts...you name it. Instead, cutting my portions down and doing those several workouts a week, just isn't going to cut it anymore. I am going to have to be diligent about cutting out things I really don't want to cut out. My 'little' indulgences are making it so my progress is at a standstill. My philosophy to not deny myself anything looks like it may have to change.

Yesterday:

Breakfast 8:30 am: the remaining 1/2 of the egg white veggie omelette from Village Inn, one piece whole wheat toast w/ honey

Snack 9:30 am: 1 Tagalong

Lunch 11:00 am: 1 waffle w/ one banana sliced on top, skim milk, homemade syrup

Can't make it until dinner snacks...throughout the afternoon: 1 graham cracker, 3 Thin Mints, 2 Reese's cups (Why didn't I make better choices???? )

Dinner 6:00 pm: Turkey breast, mashed potatoes w/gravy, stuffing, corn, dinner roll, cranberry sauce, broccoli salad, 2 celery sticks, 2 baby carrots, about 8 green olives, pumpkin bars. Thanksgiving in February? pretty much....my mom's wonderful meal put on for a family dinner. At least I only drank water....

I find it very hard to pass up the kind of stuff I listed above for dinner. There was a lettuce salad available, of which I had none. I did have a few vegetables, but for the most part, I went carb crazy. Wish my will power had been better.

I didn't go to the gym yesterday either...decided it should probably be my one day off for the week because my knees were hurting. I really hope they don't become a problem. I really need these workouts.

I did go to the grocery store yesterday, so now I have a few more sensible things to snack on. Back to it today. Next weekend is another challenge, as I will be away from home. Better make lots of progress during the week.

Day 29: Fun visit with cousins, aunt and uncle, sister, nephew, brother-in-law and Mom and Dad. Great food.....I just ate too much!

Days 27 and 28

So yesterday I didn't quite get around to blogging! I'm not sure if it was because I really didn't want to talk about Friday or if I just got too busy :)

Friday's foods:

7:00 am Breakfast: 2 egg whites, 1 egg, all scrambled together with 2 T. salsa, on a Smart and Delicious whole wheat tortilla, 1 cup skim milk to drink. Note: I was unable to finish this breakfast...

9:50 am Snack: protein shake blended with a banana

12:30 pm Post-workout Snack: 1/2 apple

1:15 pm Lunch: chicken caesar salad leftover from the night before...about 20 minutes later, 1 graham cracker, 2 Thin Mints and 1 Tagalong.

5:00 pm Dinner: The Melting Pot (fondue restaurant, cheese course, salad, meat course, and chocolate course) :)

8:00 pm Drinks at Baker St: Coors Light

I did a 1/2 hour workout on the treadmill at about 11:00 am.

I was pretty successful at taking it easy on the calories the first part of the day so that I could consume many in the evening. I just didn't quite do enough filling food at lunch because I grabbed some sweets right after. I haven't tried to log in any of the food from The Melting Pot on my livestrong site....I have no idea what kind of calories we're looking at there!

Saturday's Foods:

9:00 am Breakfast: 1 cup spoon size shredded wheat and 3/4 cup skim milk

12:15 pm Post-workout snack: protein shake

1:15 pm Lunch: Village Inn 1/2 of a 3 egg white veggie omelette, 3 multigrain pancakes, a small dish of fruit, water to drink

5:00 "Dinner": popcorn at the movies, 5 Butterfinger minis, WATER to drink!

8:45 "Dinner?": 1 slice leftover cheese pizza

I attended an hour-long circuit class at my gym for my workout Saturday. (It was challenging!)

Here's another weekend filled with eating out challenges...It's Valentine's weekend, and our anniversary weekend...a couple of things we want to celebrate! Let's look at the good things I did: chose the egg white omelette over an entire menu of other stuff that looked enticing, tried the multigrain pancakes, and they were yummy. I have to look up calorie stuff...I guess they have more calories than their buttermilk pancakes (I found out afterwards). Hopefully, they were a better choice in other areas :/ And I was only able to eat half of the omelette! At the movies, I didn't break down and get a soda, although I did sneak a couple drinks of my husband's. I know the popcorn is terrible for you there, but come on, it's the movies...I probably ate more than I should have, but not near as much as I used to!

So, today...I need to be a good girl! I don't want to completely undo everything that I accomplished during the week this week.

Day 27: Some good choices, some indulgences...Celebrated 20 years with my sweetheart with a fondue feast. Yummy!

Day 28: Some good choices, some indulgences... Continued to celebrate by taking in the movie "Avatar" (which was amazing, by the way!)

Day 26

The morning got away from me yesterday, and I ended up not eating breakfast. I do not recommend this sort of thing. I was so hungry about 11:00, I was ready to eat just about anything. Thankfully, I kept it together enough to get home and have something sensible.

Breakfast: Oops...nada

Lunch: 11:30 am

Tuna melt, (1 pouch chunk light tuna, 1 sweet gherkin, 2 tsp Miracle Whip Light, 1 slice whole wheat bread, 1 Kraft single), Green Giant Immunity Blend frozen veggies (broccoli, peppers, carrots), 1 Tagalong cookie

Snack: 1:45 pm

Chocolate cake protein supplement. Oh my goodness, sooooooo yummy!

Snack: 3:00 pm

1 orange

Post-Workout Snack: 5:45 pm

1 graham cracker, 1 banana

Dinner: 7:00 pm

Domino's Pizza....1.5 slices of sliced Italian Sausage, 1 slice of pepperoni, 1/4 of the bowl of Chicken caesar salad (did not use but one little tsp or so of the dressing), 1 Cinnastix

I got about 80 oz of water in yesterday, and I had a 45 minute weight workout along with 15 minutes on the elliptical. My workout was a little later, at 4:15 pm, which threw my routine off a little bit. But it had already been thrown by the whole missing breakfast fiasco. I guess I just have to learn to adapt, because my life does not run on routines too much anyway!

The chocolate cake protein supplement I had this afternoon was a nice treat. And it was 120 calories, with 12 grams of protein. Not too shabby!

The 1/2 a piece of pizza occurred because my 4-year-old son didn't eat his, so as I walked by the table and saw it sitting there, after I was already done, I grabbed it and ate a few bites. What the hecky?! I was not hungry. I had already finished my meal. Darn mentality that has me thinking we shouldn't waste food. I mean, I know wasting food is awful, and there are plenty of starving people in the world. But somehow, I need to realize that by eating what someone else can't finish, I am not solving the issues of a starving world.

I have a major challenge tonight, as my husband and I will be heading to The Melting Pot to celebrate our anniversary, (and Valentine's Day too, I suppose). After the bit of indulgence in pizza last night, my plan is to go real easy on the calories and salt the whole day. Stick to some veggies, and proteins, and allow myself a bit of fondue tonight!

Day 26: Not bad....wish I had stopped at just one piece of pizza. Ok, next time, I'll stop!

Day 25

Feeling pretty darn good about this right now. Man, I hope that feeling stays around for a while!

Breakfast: 8:00 am

1 cup spoon size shredded wheat, 3/4 cup skim milk

Snack: 10:00 am

Honeymaid graham crackers, 2 full ones

Lunch: 1:00 pm

1 hard boiled egg, Green Giant Healthy Weight frozen veggies (these were super yummy and included carrots, sugar snap peas, black beans and edamame. I ate the whole little package and it was very satisfying!)

After-workout snack: 3:00 pm

protein bar

pre-dinner snack: 4:45 pm

1 cup romaine lettuce, dab of caesar dressing, croutons

Dinner: 6:45 pm

Qdoba grilled chicken, mixed with lettuce, 1/4 cup brown rice, about a tablespoon of sour cream, a spoonful of pico de gallo, and some sort of spicy sauce. About 6 tortilla chips with a dab of guacamole. And a brownie, and two cookies.

My workout yesterday was interesting. I decided I was going to do 45 minutes on the stationary bike. However, my butt was hurting so bad after 25, that I got up and finished with 20 minutes on the elliptical. For a while last year, the bike was the only cardio I could do because I was wearing a boot for a broken bone in my foot/ankle. I don't know how I did it! This was like torture yesterday. Maybe I had the seat in the wrong place, I don't know...but it was not very fun!

I was at a meeting last night where we ordered in Qdoba. I was proud of myself for staying away from some stuff. And I drank water, where I would normally choose something else to drink at our meetings. Little victories, every day...that's what I look for!

Day 25: Positive attitude, positive choices...positively pleasant!

Day 24

I am so pleased with yesterday! I done good!

Breakfast: 7:30 am

1 cup spoon size shredded wheat, 3/4 skim milk

Lunch: 11:30 am

2 hard boiled eggs, Green Giant Healthy Vision frozen veggies

pre-workout snack: 2:00 pm

1 piece whole wheat toast, 2 tsp peanut butter

post-workout snack: 4:00 pm

protein bar, 1 orange

Dinner: 6:00 pm

1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese, Wendy's caesar side salad, minus the dressing.

Dessert: 7:00 pm

2 Thin Mints, 1 Tagalong (Oh crap...the Girl Scout cookies are here...it's ok, I can enjoy them in moderation!)

I had 64 oz of water yesterday and a 45 minute elliptical workout.

It's about grocery store time. I really needed a salad last night and had no available greens in my fridge. My son said he was grabbing something on his way home so I asked him to get me a side salad. I was very happy I didn't break down and get anything else. I did snitch two of his fries, but hey, that was enough to satisfy me with just a taste!

It felt good not to screw up too badly yesterday. I don't even consider the cookies screwing up. I am allowed to enjoy things like that...but stopping at two thin mints and not eating the whole sleeve is really the key here :)

I'm not sure what's in the house anymore, as far as the "healthy stuff". I will try my best to stay away from the cookies for most of the day. Then, if at the end of the day, I've done enough of the "right" stuff, I will allow myself a couple of cookies.

Day 24: Whoop whoop! Feels like I'm getting back on track....

Day 23

So yesterday was a "Steak Day". I took a suggestion from a friend, in order to shake things up. I was not to eat anything all day until 4 pm. Upon reaching 4 pm, I was to eat a big steak and an apple. Lots of water throughout the day, of course....There are a lot of things I realized during this day. Number one, I would never be able to make it on Survivor. Number two, I don't think I ever have to worry about suffering from anorexia. Here are some of the other realizations that I journalled about throughout the day:

It wasn't until 11 am that I actually got a bit hungry. What I was battling up until then was just the habit of grabbing things to eat. I was dealing with some stressful bank issues for a couple of hours in the morning. Sitting there on the phone, I was really wanting to eat something. Even though I had already determined that I wasn't feeling hungry, I felt the need to grab something as I got all worked up. I didn't do it. I was also seeing things sitting out on the counter, like loaves of bread, an apple, bags of chips...Just seeing them was triggering something in me that said "eat". I didn't do it then either! (Gum became my friend). It seems like this going without food for a time, was bringing some sort of clarity to me on what my mind does to me on a regular basis regarding food.

About noon, I wrote this in my journal: "I'm realizing that I really look forward to eating. I start to think about, "yay, it's almost lunchtime!"...then I realize I won't be eating anything today. I really don't think it's just hunger for me. It's the pure pleasure of eating." About this time, I took four bites of my daughter's peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she didn't finish. So much for following instructions exactly.

It was not advised that I work out as I was trying this thing yesterday. I probably would have passed out! I did just want to lay around...and sleep, so I wouldn't think about food. When I finally ate my steak and apple at about 4:15, it really tasted good! Crazy thing though...I wasn't starving. I felt like I could eat, and I did. And afterwards, I was ok the rest of the night without anything else. I really wasn't even tempted. Of course, I hit the hay early...that had to help!

This little experiment helped me to drop 2.5 lbs. in one day. Not something I would want to do on a regular basis...but it seems to have helped me get back on track a little. So far today, I'm not near as hungry as I usually am, and not near as tempted by the food that is sitting around.

Day 23: Interesting day. I almost feel like it woke me up a bit.

Day 22

There's really nothing to see here today :) Since I was on a time out this weekend, I enjoyed the Super Bowl with cabbage burgers and hot wings. I didn't go crazy...but because of the type of week it was, I am up a pound from last Monday's weigh-in. Today I'm shakin' things up. I'll definitely let you know how it goes!

I didn't make an effort to get to the gym yesterday either. Bad, bad girl....Honestly, I was feeling pain in my knees and was too scared to go do anything that might aggravate them more.

Today, I have some crappy things to deal with. I hope that I'm able to handle the stress and forge onward in this battle!!

Day 22: Yay Saints!

Day 21

I am not giving up. But....I am taking this weekend off. This week has been torture on me mentally. I got so fed up yesterday, as I was trying to make good choices...I decided I wanted a break from thinking about whether I should have this or have that. This doesn't mean that I then went and raided the fridge and cupboards, and ate everything in sight. (It does mean that I pretty much had cookies and beer for dinner... :) I'm blaming all of you people too! Every time I think about eating something that isn't so great, I think about having to put it in my blog. I have been very honest about everything that I've been eating and doing. Friday was the first day that I actually said I wasn't going to 'fess up to everything on here. That is not going to fly with me! Once I start omitting pieces of info, there would be no point to continuing! So, I needed a free day or two....a break from reporting to you. If you really want to know what I ate yesterday, you can contact me privately and I'll tell ya. Heeheehee!

I did a great circuit workout class at my gym. It was cool to try something a little different. I drank lots of water when I went to lunch at PF Chang's. I laughed a lot last night....had to be a good workout for my abs. These are positives! Today is Super Bowl Sunday....I won't go overboard, but I'm still going to take that mental break. I have to shake things up tomorrow. But for today, I'll have a hot wing or two :)

Day 21: Time out!