Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Days 71-78

I think I'm going out on this challenge with a whimper instead of a bang. I seemed to have lost my oomph. And then a holiday is thrown in the mix this last weekend...let's just say, even though I've learned some better eating habits, there are some things I can't seem to say no to.

I am very fond of the analogy of a roller coaster when it comes to life. I would rather ride a roller coaster than a merry-go-round....I prefer having the excitement, fear and thrill of going up and down rather than the dizzying round and round. However, when it comes to this weight loss thing, it is not the roller coaster I want to ride. I'm tired of the ups and downs. I want to get to that merry-go-round that is my 'ideal weight' and not have to worry about going up and down again. I know that is probably never going to be the case. The challenges of a changing, aging body will require hard work for a lifetime, I'm sure.

This challenge I have been in at the gym is about to come to a close. Friday I have my final weigh-in. As I look back at the last 11 weeks or so, I can't seem to decide if being a part of the challenge was a good or bad thing. I set out thinking I would be almost perfect in my diet and exercise in order to make great strides and win the thing. However, perfection is certainly not what I achieved. I have been beating myself up for so many years over this weight thing, that thinking I could be near perfect was a mistake. I set myself up for failure. It was way too easy to start the negative talk to myself again...and I fought giving up this whole entire time.

I don't mean to be a complete Negative Nelly here, because there have definitely been some positives...the biggest one being the encouragement I received from so many people. I just wish I could have taken that encouragement and run with it. Instead, I thought about how nice it was that people even cared what I was going through, and didn't allow it to truly spark some real enthusiasm within me.

If you can't tell, I'm struggling this week. I had a devil-may-care attitude over the weekend and I can't seem to shake it so far this week. As much as I want the merry-go-round for this one area of my life, I'm afraid it is quite the roller coaster. Perhaps I should figure out how it can be thrilling and not just depressing. I mean, really, who gets depressed on a roller coaster? It doesn't seem like that would even be possible! Sick, yes...but depressed? Absolutely terrified, yes...but sad? Maybe that is one thing I can take away from this experience. A new way of looking at it...rather than a continued struggle. Instead, it's the ride of my life!!!

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