Day After Thanksgiving...What Am I Doing Thinking About A Bikini?

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last wrote on this here blog. I do think it is helpful to express some things in this forum, as I continue to be challenged by food and weight issues. I fear sounding like a broken record, but for those of you sticking with me, well, here goes!

Long story short, after losing 50 lbs over the last 1 1/2 years or so, I gained 20 pounds back from April to the beginning of November. Although I've lost about 6 pounds the last couple of weeks, let me tell you how I feel about all of this gain....______!!!!!!(Insert any exclamatory curse word here...) I think my last post talked about the road trip I went on, which was the beginning of my weight gain. Add to that a very stressful summer, and a fall where I have been faced with some interesting health issues and a couple of car accidents/problems, and you have my excuses for ceasing interest in taking care of myself as far as food and exercise go. I wish I were the type of person who turns to exercise in time of stress and trial. Instead, I head right back to what means comfort to me, and that is food...and unfortunately, unhealthy food! Oh, what a wonderful day it will be to overcome this weakness. I have to think that I WILL overcome it. I can't keep doing this to myself!! I also need to realize that I am showing my kids how to deal with tough times. I don't think having them see Mom wolfing down ice cream is probably the best way of teaching how to cope during the challenges of life.

After experiencing about six months of lack of motivation, diving self esteem, and digging in to the big clothes I hadn't given away yet, I am ready to turn this around. A couple of weeks ago, something happened...not sure what, but it seems my stomach has shrunk and my brain said 'get it together, woman!'. I have cut out the incessant snacking on whatever is in sight. The timing of this turn in my thinking and changes in eating behavior is interesting, as we are entering quite possibly the toughest time of the year to refrain from overeating. But it is the perfect time, because if things hadn't turned in my head, I would be putting on another 20 pounds in record time with the Thanksgiving meal, pies, Christmas cookies and other wonderful treats. Yesterday, I enjoyed the meal but took small portions of everything. I did not go back for seconds. I passed on dessert, but did keep grabbing cinnamon bears as I walked by the dang bowl on the counter. The only thing I wish I hadn't done was go a tiny bit overboard on chips and french onion dip as we played cards last night. Relative to how many chips and dip I would have grabbed a month ago, it wasn't too bad, but I would be happier with myself now if I had one or two and called it good! I have gone back to drinking lots of water. Over these last few months, I was lucky to get one 16 oz bottle in during the day. Now, I aim to drink about 80 oz. I usually go over! My energy seems to be returning. I do think I'm feeling a bit more jovial as well :)

Now, to get back to the exercise! That is next on my list of things to do...I'm shaking a cold, which was my latest excuse not to go to the gym. Now that the cold is no longer an issue, I just need to get my lazy butt to go. I'll keep you posted!

Dear Myself,

Ups and downs....peaks and valleys....good and bad.....it's all LIFE. Kari, DEAL WITH IT!!! And without the help of McDonalds, Dreyers or Dr. Pepper! You can do this. You are worth the trouble!!!

Love, Me