Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day 4

I was tired of feeling hungry. Within an hour of eating anything...a fairly big meal, a snack, whatever, I was feeling hungry again. This was causing me to think about food constantly. What can I have next?...what will need to be prepared?....No, you SHOULDN'T have that...Those were days 1 through 3, and is how Day 4 began too. I won't be posting a weight today. This will probably not be one of my most positive posts...Sorry to anyone who doesn't like a bit of complaining...because I have some to do.

Here they are...yesterday's foods in all their glory:

Breakfast: 8:00 am
1 piece of whole wheat toast with 1 1/2 tsp peanut butter, 1 cup skim milk, 1 apple

Snack: 11:00 am
protein bar

Lunch: 12:30 pm
McDonald's All American Meal (cheeseburger, small fry, small Dr. Pepper), 1 chicken nugget

Dessert: 1:00 pm
20 Hot Tamales

Snack: 4:00 pm
29 edamame pods

Dinner: 6:00
1/2 of a homemade waffle, homemade brown sugar syrup, 2 baby carrots

2nd Dinner: 8:00
Old Chicago kids-size green olive pizza, 1 Coors Light

I had approximately 11 8 oz glasses of water throughout the day.

Where did it go wrong yesterday? I'm not gonna blame the kids, because I am the adult here...but they asked for McDonald's for lunch after I picked my 4-year-old up from preschool. I decided I would do that for them, and had a nice little debate with myself as I drove to the restaurant. "Just get them their Happy Meals, and go home and have the lunch you were prepared to have", "You know, it's ok if you want to have a little bit of McDonald's, just don't go overboard", etc. Then the one argument popped in my head "Maybe you won't feel hungry anymore if you indulge in McDonald's". The almost constant hunger for three days was wearing on me. I decided to give in...I got a small meal. And it filled me up...for about an hour...just like everything else. What the heck is going on??? By 2:00 I was actually getting pretty pissed off. I worked out at that point...which was a bit of a victory. The 'old me' might have just used the frustration as an excuse to grab whatever food I could to make me 'feel better'. The real accomplishment of the last year was getting out of the habit of using food as my comfort. Certainly if I was stressed, it was an excuse to eat junk...heck, even being bored was an excuse to eat junk. I have made great strides in that to the Wii Fit I went yesterday and worked out with my toddlers by my side for 45 minutes.

I was logging my lunch in to the two sites I'm keeping my food diary on...really thought my small little meal from McDonald's was an ok choice, until I saw the calories add up. After I put it in, and logged my exercise, it was determined that I had less than 300 calories left for the day. This was not good news. And by this time I was good and hungry again. I gave up. I thought, "there's no way I can fill up on 300 calories over the next 8 hours." I chose to have edamame for a snack rather than some other junk. However, I didn't much care what I had for dinner, or after.

The kids love waffles. I like to please my kids. I made waffles. They were really good. I had less than a whole one. My friend was having a birthday celebration at Old Chicago. I had a kid-size pizza and a beer. I finally felt full....and gross as I drove home.

I had a terrible night sleep. The upper body workout I did the day before yesterday made me a little sore yesterday. But during the night last night, my arms screamed in pain any time I moved them. My body is waking up earlier and earlier. Today it was 4 am, and I couldn't go back to sleep.

I'm not sure what today will bring. I am getting good advice and wonderful encouragement from so many of you. There is just a disconnect here for some reason. I thought I really wanted this...I thought I was in it to win the contest. Maybe the added pressure of winning a contest isn't what I needed. Stay tuned...guess only time will tell.

Day 4: Ugh.


  1. I'm sorry things are so hard right now and I wish I had some great words of wisdom that could turn everything around. Just know that I'm still really proud of you, maybe even more so now, because you're not afraid to document the struggle.

  2. I am really impressed by your honesty, that for me would be the hardest part. Good luck in continuing with that part. As far as the food, if you don't mind some advice... I see very little fruit or veggies in your meal plan. Typically that stuff really fills me up and I can get through to the next thing. For example for breakfast I had 2 eggs and a cup of mushrooms. The cup is only 15 calories but takes up a lot of room in your stomach. Just a thought, and good luck with the whole journey!