Day 4

Hello. My name is Kari, and I sometimes don't have a lot to say.

I know you all are just dying to see what I ate yesterday...and I feel like I should just go ahead and blog about today too, but I won't. I have a little girl whispering in my ear as I'm sitting here trying to craft a wonderful blog entry. It is pretty darn cute...she's telling me she loves me so so so so so so so so so much, to the moon. And that the noise I just heard is her tummy. And as she is playing with my hair, she's asking if it's making me happy. Now I know why I haven't started on the novel I intend to write. But I am getting way off track here. Here's what yesterday looked like:

Breakfast: protein bar

Workout: 35 minutes on treadmill, 10 minutes on elliptical

Post workout: 2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 2 chopped green onions, 1 slice orowheat 100% whole wheat toast w/honey, orange

Lunch: eating out at Hoffbrau: I chose a wrap that had grilled chicken, lettuce, red and green peppers and pineapple...I asked for the teriyaki sauce on the side that usually came in it, and a salad w/ dressing on the side, vodka and soda to drink, along with water. I ate one half of the wrap, then took all of the insides out of the other half and ate just those without the tortilla thing.

Snack: Smoothie with banana, bluberries, spinach, skim milk, and some protein powder.

Dinner: Salad, chicken in spaghetti sauce, tiny bit of spaghetti noodles, water to drink.

I came home starving from my lunch and trip to Costco, so I made the smoothie while I prepared dinner. Never thought I'd be putting spinach in a smoothie, but by golly, it was good!! Great way to get in some more veggies! By the time dinner was ready, I wasn't really very hungry. I have to admit it was nice to not feel hungry for a bit. I am really struggling with the hunger thing. I'm probably gonna have to look at everything and see if I'm getting enough calories in for the amount that I'm working out. I intend to log everything in to Livestrong.com....just haven't gotten to it yet!

Day 4: Seemed to make decent choices out to eat again, and I didn't do any grabbing of random crap. Progress?!

Day 3

Hello. My name is Kari, and I am human.

It's Day 3 and I flubbed up a bit. I had already been thinking that it might be a no workout day, since I had worked out four days in a row. And then there was brunch/lunch with a friend...Having been successful at eating out the night before, I was prepared to do my best to order the right thing. I think I did until I said, "what the heck" about a couple of things. I did a little homework ahead of time, as far as choosing a drink to order. My research indicated a few lower calorie alcoholic drinks. I decided on a Bloody Mary, since it has tomato juice in it after all...kinda healthy right? Um, ick. Switched to beer after that...yikes! But my biggest mistake, was taking a look at the brunch menu, even though we were there at 11:30, and it was clearly a suitable time for just lunch. I did choose the soup and salad option off the lunch menu, which was a small cup of chicken tortilla soup, and I asked for the salad to be spinach with fat free dressing on the side. But darn it if I didn't fall prey to the side of pancakes that were only $1.50. I only ate half but I shouldn't have eaten them at all...they weren't that good. I need to be a little pickier about my calories...and not use them up on something that I'm not enjoying, like a Bloody Mary or mediocre pancakes. So, here's what all of yesterday looked like:

Breakfast: Protein Bar

Lunch: 1 large pancake, cup of soup, 2 saltine crackers, spinach salad, water, 3/4 of a Bloody Mary, beer

Snack: 10 Natural Cheetos (I know, how in the world can Cheetos be natural? And yes, I finally gave in to them)

Snack: Cinnamon roll, while I was making dinner....oh my goodness, what is wrong with me?!

Dinner: salmon, 1 1/2 roma tomatoes sliced with Balsamic Vinegar drizzled on them, 5 bites of a sausage stromboli thingy I made for the rest of the family.

Snack: 10 pieces of microwave popcorn

I again had 80 oz of water. I missed out on fruit for the day, but got a pretty decent amount of veggies in. I don't show a loss this morning, but I can look and see why...no workout plus alcohol, Cheetos and sweet doughy things does not a good combo make.

Day 3: An enjoyable day...and I'm not gonna beat myself up about the 'mistakes'. Just gonna keep on keepin on today!!

Day 2

Hello. My name is Kari, and I seem to have very little will power.

I think one of the hardest things about my struggle with weight has been my husband. The poor dear just doesn't know how to help me. And as I've mentioned before, he doesn't understand the pull that food has on me. He is able to take it or leave it, whether it's dessert, or chips, or whatever! As I started writing this, I noticed someone had left a bag of snacks in here, and as I was pulling them up to go put them back in the pantry, I was very close to just grabbing some. It's 8 o'clock in the morning...Just the sight of a bag of salty puffed crap makes me want to grab them and stuff some in my mouth, and I'm not even hungry. My husband doesn't understand that....Heck, I don't understand that! He has tried for 20 years to be supportive as I try and fail, try and fail. So, I guess after 20 years, he has decided to resort to drastic measures. And so here is a scene from yesterday. I came home from my workout, made a protein shake with fruit in it and sat down to watch Despicable Me with the family. It was about 11:30 so one of my teenage sons was making a frozen pizza for lunch. I had already inhaled a handful of chocolate chips as I was making my shake because I was starving after my 45 minutes on the elliptical. But my shake tasted good and I was enjoying it. When I went to put my empty cup in the sink, the remainder of my son's pizza was on the stove...and it smelled and looked darn good. I grabbed a piece and took a bite and walked back in to the family room, fully intending to eat the entire piece of pizza. My sweet dear stood up out of his easy chair, grabbed the pizza out of my hand and chucked it back on the pan. He actually did the same thing with a bag of chips the other day. Now, I am a grown damn woman, so initially I was pissed that he would do such a thing. I should be able to choose what I want to eat and when. BUT, he has seen how I mindlessly do these things, and has decided he's tired of hearing me complain about how I feel and look. So, I guess my husband may be a snack Nazi for a while...I did thank him after the initial shock wore off from being denied the hot bit of oozy melty cheesy pizza. But I have to wonder, why is my will power so weak at the moment? At other times, even just a couple of months ago, I wasn't tempted by these things at all. Oh the mysteries of the body and mind....I wonder if I will ever get them figured out?!

Yesterday:

Breakfast: 2 egg whites + 1 whole egg, scrambled with 2 chopped green onions, 4 oz skim milk to drink, 1/2 piece of orowheat 100% whole wheat toast w/ a dab of honey

Workout: 45 minutes on elliptical

Post Workout/Lunch: protein shake with 1/4 cup blueberries and a banana, a bite of frozen cheese pizza, handful of chocolate chips

Snack: Oops...3 mini Baby Ruth...they're the little tiny square one bite ones....I'm allowed, right?! Now if I could just stop at one....

Dinner: At Chili's, salad with dressing on the side (dipped my fork in the dressing about every other bite), 1/2 portion salmon, about 1/2 cup steamed broccoli, one bite of lava cake, water to drink

Snack: About 10 pieces of popped microwave popcorn

I drank approximately 80 oz of water yesterday. I am taking a multivitamin, fish oil, and joint support daily, as well as an extra Vitamin C to ward off the cold that my son has. I'm down some more on the scale today, which helps me to stay motivated since the changes I've made the last two days have made a difference already.

Day 2: Over and done! Difficult but eye-opening. When I cut out so much crap from my diet, it's like a numbness is wearing off and I can sense more of what my body is telling me it needs. Now if only my brain won't get in the way of what my body is saying.....

Day 1, Take 2, or 3 or 4 or 5.....

Hello. My name is Kari, and I start weight loss journeys and don't finish them on a regular basis.

So here we go...The body transformation challenge at the gym is on again. I weighed in yesterday morning and let me tell you, it was not pretty. I am beginning this year's challenge 10 pounds heavier than last year's. This means that not only did I gain back the 10 or so pounds I lost on last year's challenge, but another 10 I had already lost before the challenge began. What the heck?! Just when I think I have things under 'control', I apparently lose all control!! Here's how Day 1 of this challenge looked:

Breakfast: Protein bar

Workout: 45 minutes on the elliptical

Post-Workout: Two eggs, mixed greens salad, 1 orange

Lunch: A Whole Foods salad bar salad...spinach, mixed greens, blueberries, strawberries, almonds, chicken, broccoli, celery, cucumbers, balsamic vinagrette

Snack: about 20 chocolate chips

Dinner: Mongolian Beef (Homemade) (strips of steak, in a sauce of soy sauce, garlic, water, cornstarch, red pepper flakes, over brown rice)

Dessert: small piece of chocolate cake, two wheat thins w/ some dip

I will admit I was hungry all damn day. It took me 1.5 hours to eat that salad at Whole Foods as I was chatting with a friend while I was eating. And it was a BIG salad! As I was walking out to the car, I thought to myself, "crap, I'm hungry". I drank water like crazy to try and ward off the 'hunger'. My husband was less than sympathetic as I was lusting after every food I saw on TV. He just doesn't understand because he doesn't snack, like ever. Food is not the enticing lover to him that it is to me.

I attended a Pampered Chef party last night. If you don't know, they make food at these parties...I was proud of myself for passing on one of the recipes that was made, and only indulging in a small piece of the cake. (Truth be told, I got a very small piece and it was so darn good, I went and got another very small piece....) I also only had a couple of munchies the hostess set out. And here is the BIG news....I passed on any drinks too. I had my water bottle with me, full of ice cold water, and sipped on that all night. Yes, this is Kari, for anyone who may think they're reading the wrong blog after that tidbit of information.

The results so far? Down 2.5 pounds today. I am not gonna go crazy over this because it's one darn day. But I stepped on the scale because I had to make sure I saw that the changes I made yesterday made a difference. And they did. Gonna try my best to stay on track today.

I'm getting ready to head to the gym. I'm focusing on just cardio at the moment. I'm staying with the elliptical for now to keep everything low impact. For anyone that struggles with joint pain, I really encourage you to try an elliptical. It really does help to get you moving without pounding on your knees or hips....I had to back off the treadmill for now because of those issues.

Here is what I need from anyone reading this blog....Help me, and help me to help others!! Last year, I was incredibly encouraged by the people who read it and shared with me their struggles, or told me they forwarded the blog on to a friend, or just gave me a word of encouragement. I'm writing the blog again so that I can again be held accountable, but also to hopefully strike a chord with someone. Perhaps they can see that I am struggling with similar things they may be struggling with. We are in this together, everybody!!!

I am trying to keep my food consumption in the front of my consciousness, instead of mindlessly grabbing whatever smells or looks good, or is staring me in the face. Yes, it takes some extra planning and some extra work. But again, I have to tell myself that it's worth it. That I am worth it.

Day 1: Difficult but invigorating. And so the journey begins....again.

Day After Thanksgiving...What Am I Doing Thinking About A Bikini?

I didn't realize it had been so long since I last wrote on this here blog. I do think it is helpful to express some things in this forum, as I continue to be challenged by food and weight issues. I fear sounding like a broken record, but for those of you sticking with me, well, here goes!

Long story short, after losing 50 lbs over the last 1 1/2 years or so, I gained 20 pounds back from April to the beginning of November. Although I've lost about 6 pounds the last couple of weeks, let me tell you how I feel about all of this gain....______!!!!!!(Insert any exclamatory curse word here...) I think my last post talked about the road trip I went on, which was the beginning of my weight gain. Add to that a very stressful summer, and a fall where I have been faced with some interesting health issues and a couple of car accidents/problems, and you have my excuses for ceasing interest in taking care of myself as far as food and exercise go. I wish I were the type of person who turns to exercise in time of stress and trial. Instead, I head right back to what means comfort to me, and that is food...and unfortunately, unhealthy food! Oh, what a wonderful day it will be to overcome this weakness. I have to think that I WILL overcome it. I can't keep doing this to myself!! I also need to realize that I am showing my kids how to deal with tough times. I don't think having them see Mom wolfing down ice cream is probably the best way of teaching how to cope during the challenges of life.

After experiencing about six months of lack of motivation, diving self esteem, and digging in to the big clothes I hadn't given away yet, I am ready to turn this around. A couple of weeks ago, something happened...not sure what, but it seems my stomach has shrunk and my brain said 'get it together, woman!'. I have cut out the incessant snacking on whatever is in sight. The timing of this turn in my thinking and changes in eating behavior is interesting, as we are entering quite possibly the toughest time of the year to refrain from overeating. But it is the perfect time, because if things hadn't turned in my head, I would be putting on another 20 pounds in record time with the Thanksgiving meal, pies, Christmas cookies and other wonderful treats. Yesterday, I enjoyed the meal but took small portions of everything. I did not go back for seconds. I passed on dessert, but did keep grabbing cinnamon bears as I walked by the dang bowl on the counter. The only thing I wish I hadn't done was go a tiny bit overboard on chips and french onion dip as we played cards last night. Relative to how many chips and dip I would have grabbed a month ago, it wasn't too bad, but I would be happier with myself now if I had one or two and called it good! I have gone back to drinking lots of water. Over these last few months, I was lucky to get one 16 oz bottle in during the day. Now, I aim to drink about 80 oz. I usually go over! My energy seems to be returning. I do think I'm feeling a bit more jovial as well :)

Now, to get back to the exercise! That is next on my list of things to do...I'm shaking a cold, which was my latest excuse not to go to the gym. Now that the cold is no longer an issue, I just need to get my lazy butt to go. I'll keep you posted!

Dear Myself,

Ups and downs....peaks and valleys....good and bad.....it's all LIFE. Kari, DEAL WITH IT!!! And without the help of McDonalds, Dreyers or Dr. Pepper! You can do this. You are worth the trouble!!!

Love, Me

Damn Day

Wellllll....I haven't made any changes since the last time I wrote. In fact, I think I've gone even more off the deep end. My husband keeps telling me I need mental help. I guess I probably do!!

I think I've gained another two pounds. It's hard to look at that and realize that I am basically where I was at the end of 2009. It would be so nice to see some good results again. But there are some things that need to happen. Somehow, I have to get to the gym. I knew it was going to be challenging when the weather got better, because I lost my afternoon 'babysitter' (my son) to the golf course. It has not worked to leave the work outs to the evening, because I haven't been going. Once dinner is over, it is time to be with my husband and it doesn't seem right to run off to the gym. I hate to say I've given up. But for the last month, it sure seems like it. I can't seem to control myself when it comes to my nutrition. I had Rice Krispie treats for breakfast. How's that for healthy? It was cereal, at least. And here for the next week or so, I will be on the road. Yes, I should make some healthy choices. Trouble is, when it comes right down to it lately, I haven't been able to. The junk keeps winning out. Am I purposely sabotaging myself? Or is my body just craving all this junk again? I can really see the difference in my body too. Just a couple of weeks ago, my trainer, who I now only work out with during a Saturday circuit class, made my day by stating, "your legs are really looking lean". I was loving how they were looking! There is still some muscle there, but they are looking flabby now...and not so lean. I just want to cry!

I'm stressing right now about so many things....I can't tell if my out of control eating is a response to that stress or some crazy will power issue or something deeper and needing serious therapy. I highly doubt I will be doing any work outs while I am gone. This trip will be a bit of a whirlwind through three different family gatherings...happy and sad. I just don't think I'll be running off to exercise...

I generally like to be a more uplifting person. I loved hearing I was an inspiration to some people. So I apologize for being a bit of a downer. Guess I have to remind myself that I have still lost a buttload of weight, even if I have put a few pounds back on. But I also need to remind myself of what I did to lose it so that I can keep it off, and shed these last remaining unhealthy pounds.

Damn these eating issues! Damn my love for junk food! Damn my laziness! Damn damn damn!!!

Day....What day is this? I need another Day 1!

I made good progress from January to mid-April. I was motivated. I was in the habit of eating better and going to the gym at least 3 times a week. I was blogging every day, or almost every day. I was keeping a food journal. I have discovered over the last month that it is way too easy to revert back to old bad habits.

I have this mental attitude that is all wrong and I need to work on it. I figure once I "mess up"....like eat a bucket of popcorn at the movies, that I might as well just go have a crazy meal, and a pop and a candy bar and who knows what else!...And I've been doing that for a month now. I told my trainer about that, and he said that's like accidentally hitting a kid with your car, and then going and deliberately finding his parents and hitting them too. That doesn't make any sense, nor does my attitude of just continuing my binges once I mess up a little.

I'm so disappointed in myself because it really seemed like I had developed good habits. I felt like taking a little time off after that challenge, but this is ridiculous!!! Today I woke up saying today was the day I would not grab the junk in the house. I promptly ate 2 Golden Oreo cookies first thing this morning. Once that happened, there went my attitude again. As I was polishing off a bag of Fritos just now, I decided I would head to my blog and let it all out here.

It looks like I've gained about 4 pounds back since the challenge ended. If I keep eating the way I'm eating, and making one trip to the gym a week, I'm gonna be in big trouble! So, here I am again, putting it out for all to see. I have a couple of things coming up that I was hoping would motivate me to get back on track. I have my cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, and I hope I can at least get these 4 pounds back off before then. And then in July, I turn 40....Oh, how I would love to be down another couple of dress sizes before then!!

I don't want to be fat anymore!!! I am so much happier with how I look now...but I definitely have some work to do yet. Just take a look at my stomach the next time you see me. Then you'll see there is still work to be done!! On second thought, please keep your eyes on my face... :)

Tonight there is a taco dish on the menu for the family dinner. I imagine I'll eat that, and probably have a beer or two. Then tomorrow, I will start recording my food. With a road trip coming up, maybe it isn't the best time to try and start again, but I have to! Somehow, I have to get out of the bad funk I'm in!!!