Day 70

I wasn't kidding when I wrote yesterday that is wasn't gonna be a good day. I am now declaring that Sunday was my 'free' day. Now I have to make up for all the bad I did :( Waffles for breakfast, Qdoba for lunch, popcorn and a hot dog for dinner....not one decent thing was put in to my body yesterday...well, except for some water!!! It was a nice day though :) Today gotta hop back on to the good stuff bandwagon. Less than two weeks til my final weigh-in!

Day 70: Unintended free day. Whoopsy daisy.

Day 69

I didn't write anything down that I ate yesterday. I guess that means I didn't eat anything. Or...I just don't want to admit to what I ate. Let's see if I can recall....Ok, started out with shredded wheat and skim milk. Nothing bad there. Scooted off to my circuit class at the gym after that...had a great hour workout. Scooted off to the mall after a shower and stuff. Um, went to the mall hungry....tried to find the least horrible food in the food court for lunch. Settled on Hot Dog on a Stick. Pretty healthy right? I just got tired of thinking. Hey...they advertise that it's an all turkey hot dog. Great. Scooted off to a girly gathering in the afternoon...had a couple adult beverages. Went home and ate leftover shepard's pie along with potato chips and cookies. The day is just getting better, isn't it??? Holy cow, now I know why I didn't write all of this down. Scooted on back to the friend's house and had a couple more adult beverages. There aren't too many calories in those...right? Son of a gun...another weekend day completely blowing up in my face. I burned several calories laughing myself silly, so it wasn't all bad!! Today is not starting out to be any better. Good thing tomorrow is Monday and I can get back to my goody goody ways!

Day 69: Um, yeah.

Days 67-68

Well today I decided to blog first, then play games second. Yesterday, I got caught up in playing a few games and forgot to blog!

Thursday's food:

Breakfast 8:45: 2 slices light wheat bread w/ 1 oz mozzarella melted on each, 1 orange, 4 oz skim milk

Lunch 1:30: 2 hard boiled eggs, 2 cups 'triple hearts' salad, 1 tomato, crunchy o's protein supplement

Snack 3:30: Reese's egg (DARN IT!!)

Dinner 6:30: 6 oz of chicken breast (w/ bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese), 1/3 cup thin spaghetti, 2 T. marinara sauce, 1 oz mozzarella

Friday's foods:

Breakfast 10:00: protein supplement pancakes w/ banana on top

Lunch 12:00: 1 cup salad, 1 slice sausage pizza, 2 slices bread dipped in balsamic (Out to lunch)

Snack 4:00: 2 Tagalong cookies

Dinner 6:30: shepard's pie (basically meatloaf with mashed potatoes and cheese on top), corn

Snack 8:00: way too many thin mints....Holy cow!!

What can I say? Still feeling good about things....just had a few weak moments...like I seem to do most of the time! Thursday the whole Reese's egg was not my fault. I asked Beau if I could have a bite of his. Once he saw the bite out of it he didn't want it anymore. What was I supposed to do, waste it? Yeah...I'm weak!

Day 67 = pretty good day

Day 68 = comfort food day

Day 66

:) I'm pretty much riding high on the news that I have lost 51 pounds since January 9, 2009! I hadn't looked at my record at the gym for a while since I haven't been working with a trainer. I decided to meet with a trainer again yesterday and we dug out that folder and discovered just how far I've come 'officially'. I almost cried!!! It was crazy to recall just how unhappy I was, and how little I thought I could do for a workout. All of you that have been following this little blog know that I don't have this all figured out. And I'm not skipping around merrily all of the time. I'm just feeling better in my skin. Here is an example of something I would have NEVER done before 2009....After my workout yesterday, I came home and shoveled our foot of heavy, wet snow for an hour. The neighbor asked if I wanted some help...I told her, nope, it's a good workout! I used my knees...my hands weren't shaking afterwards...I'm not crippled by back pain today. I actually WANTED to do it. My energy level is so much higher. I am so thankful for the progress I've made! (My home weigh-in progress is 45.5 pounds lost....I'm kinda liking the official gym numbers better these days!)

Here's what yesterday's food looked like:

Breakfast 7:45 am: french toast: 2 slices light wheat bread dipped in 2 egg whites w/ 1/3 cup pureed frozen mixed berries on top for 'syrup', 4 oz skim milk to drink

Lunch 1:00 pm: Tuna salad on wheat, with lettuce and tomato

Snack 4:00 pm: 1/2 bag of microwave popcorn

Dinner 6:30 pm: 3 oz orange roughy, 2 cups baby spinach w/ fat free catalina dressing, 1/2 cup green beans

Snack 7:30 pm: protein bar, couple of handfuls of Life cereal

I'm learning that if I make some healthy stuff, there are actually other people in the house who will eat it. I was supposed to have 6 oz of the fish, but there were a couple of my kids, one big one and one small one, that wanted some too...which surprised me! Guess I'll make it for everyone next time! I hadn't made fish for quite some time and it tasted so good, and was so darn easy. I was asking myself why I didn't fix it more often...well, I know there's one reason...the kind of fish I like is usually pretty expensive....

My daughter who is two, couldn't get enough green beans and spinach last night. I really hope that continues as she gets older! I can only apologize now to my older kids for the bad eating habits we were in the thick of as they grew up. Right now they are all skinny kids like I was when I was younger. Hopefully, they will start to eat better too, or they won't stay that way as they get older....Gosh, it's hard to see the mistakes you've made with your kids.

Day 66: Awesome day!

Day 65

The scale is moving this week! Yesterday was another good and bad day...but I was so good the first part of the day, I don't think the second half hurt me too much. I'm blaming the second half of the day on the snowstorm that has dumped 11.5 inches on us!

Breakfast 9:30: 2 egg whites scrambled with 1/4 of a green pepper, 1 piece of Orowheat Light wheat bread, 4 oz skim milk, 1/2 grapefruit

Lunch 1:15: 5 oz ground turkey on a Smart and Delicious tortilla, 1/2 cup cooked broccoli, 2 oz cheddar cheese (a little on the tortilla, a little on the broccoli), water to drink

Dessert 2:00: pudding protein supplement

Pre-dinner treat 5:30: one glass of wine

Dinner 7:00: 6 chicken nuggets, 1/2 medium Dr. Pepper, a little less than half a medium fry...yes from McDonalds again, 1 cup baby spinach w/ fat free catalina dressing... 2 Thin Mints

Snack 10:00: 1 Tagalong cookie

I had decided early on in the day that I wasn't going to work out yesterday. I broke a bone last year in my ankle/foot and every once in a while, I start to feel like it has been stressed or something. I try to listen to my body as much as I can, and I'm pretty sure my ankle was telling me to lay off for a day.

I had a hair appointment right at the time our snowstorm started hitting. I had a bit of a challenging drive home...and was getting home later than I thought, so there were hungry troops waiting who did not want to wait an hour while I prepared what I was supposed to make for dinner. So, through the drive-thru I went on my way home....and got something for myself as well as everyone else. Still glad that I can't make it through a whole pop, or the extra value meals I was accustomed to eating before. I didn't feel too bad about it because I knew I had been pretty darn good so far the whole day.

Wouldn't you know, I got the last boxes of Girl Scout cookies this week that I had ordered! Oh, if only they had forgotten I ordered them! Yeah, I had 3 cookies last night. You got a problem with that? I didn't think so!!! :)

I also received my lab results from blood work I had done at my annual check up. My triglycerides are elevated. I'm supposed to decrease fat and cholesterol. Hmph. I actually didn't expect that....since I have already dropped a good chunk of weight, I thought I would have good numbers. They are just slightly above the range they are supposed to be in, but it was a bit of a wake up call. I guess it just shows me I still have work to do...and I need to pay a little bit more attention to leaving some certain things off of my plate. Oh, and I need some more Vitamin D. Can't wait for warm weather so I can get my 15 minutes of sun a day!

I didn't participate in Free Pastry Day at Starbucks yesterday. I had printed off the coupon, and was gonna go, but I knew if I went there, I would indulge in some way, even if I got the pastry to give to the kids. I'm really glad I didn't since the evening turned out much different than I had planned. I would have had more 'mess-ups' and I don't need that!

Day 65: I'm not sure what it is, but I'm motivated this week. Maybe it's because I realize there are less than three weeks left of the challenge at the gym. I'm just glad it's working for me right now!

Days 63-64

Sometimes, I just don't understand myself! I had another less than stellar day on Sunday. My son went and got doughnuts, and I didn't resist the urge to have them. We got hot wings for dinner. I did have half the amount than the last time we got them, but they were still not a great choice as far as nutrition goes. But then yesterday, I had a really good day! Besides the fact that I kinda forgot to eat lunch....I started out with a slice of bread with mozzarella cheese melted on it in the broiler, and 1/2 of a grapefruit. It was good to have something a little different, I guess. Then I went and did a 40 minute cardio workout later in the morning, and had a protein bar right after. One graham cracker when I got home. I headed to the grocery store. I do have to say that eating healthy is much more expensive than eating unhealthy. I spent too much money, but got plenty of things to help me stick to some good eating this week. (That was one problem on Sunday....it was pretty bare around here, especially of any healthy stuff). So, last night for dinner, I cooked up some ground turkey, divided it in to four portions. Put 5 oz in individual baggies so I have good protein to grab quickly. I used one portion to make chili for me. I pureed a tomato, added 1/4 cup water, chili powder, cayenne pepper, dried minced onion, salt, pepper, and let it simmer for a bit. It was so darn good! I didn't miss the beans, or cheese that I usually have in my chili. Or the hamburger, for that matter. So glad that I try these things! Also, I had 1 1/2 cups of baby spinach for a salad, with some Kraft fat-free Catalina dressing. I finished off with a Dulce de Lece pudding protein supplement. No Reese's egg yesterday! No plunging in to a bag of chips! This is what I don't understand about me....how can I go from a very bad day to a very good one? I didn't have any cravings for bad stuff yesterday. I felt good, and I feel good today...ready to rock it again!

Day 63: eh...a bunch of junk

Day 64: healthy eating was fun!

Motivation

I shared at the beginning of this blog that I was starting a challenge at my gym. My motivation for starting the blog was that particular event. I was recently asked about my motivation for working out and losing weight. This question has me scratching my head. I've been looking for the 'right' motivation for working out and losing weight for over twenty years. Something seems to be working right now, but can I pinpoint what it is? I'm not sure...but I'll try.

The journey I am on right now is one that encompasses so much more than just losing weight. Yeah, my initial journey started because we were taking a trip to Hawaii. Oh, and there was my husband's high school reunion in 2009. Sometimes, events like these are enough to get me going. I did not enjoy my own high school reunion in 2008 as much as I would have liked because I wasn't feeling good about myself. I felt like I was completely socially awkward. I had a hard time engaging in conversations that weekend. I had a hard time walking up to people. I kinda stood back and waited for people to come to me. Um...talk about a wake-up call. I usually thrive on interaction with people. I had a 6 month old baby at home, and was glad to use this as an excuse for why I looked the way I did. I'd been using that same old excuse for nearly 20 years! Never mind the highest weight I had been (prior to these last two babies), was 4 years AFTER I had my 3rd son. That's a little hard to excuse as 'baby weight'. That weekend of my reunion helped me to start on my quest because I didn't recognize the girl I was INSIDE anymore. The outside of me was now making the inside of me in to someone I didn't know....or like.

There was the motivation of an event, or events...the trip and the reunion. There is the motivation of trying to recognize myself again. But what I think is the hardest thing to figure out is the motivation each and every day when I am in the thick of my struggles, the stresses of life, and the 'busy'ness of life. I do know the feeling of sitting down in my kitchen, trying to draw up a plan of what to eat for the week, getting completely overwhelmed and saying 'to heck with it all' and grabbing a container of ice cream out of the freezer. I know the feeling of not knowing where to start. I know the feeling of being embarrassed to step in to a gym. I know the feeling of aching joints that seem to want to keep me from exercising. So how do I break free of those things and get up and go to the gym or for a walk? Honestly, in the beginning, I did have to pay for it. I paid for a personal trainer for several weeks. Since I was investing some money, I knew I had to make it to those training sessions. Since he gave me a sample meal plan to follow and had me keep a food diary, I had to make an effort to follow that plan so I could show him I was trying. Now, 'exercise' is just something I have to do every day. In some form or another, I know I need to be active. I'm not always successful at it every day, and I do give myself at least one day off a week. Especially after I get out of the routine for a vacation or something, it seems very easy to get back in the habit of doing nothing. I have to fight with the urge to be lazy....because I am very definitely lazy. I only have to remind myself how much more energy I have after I actually exert some energy! I also realize this is something I need to do for the rest of my life, not just in this time of 'losing weight'.

My day to day motivation is also dictated by the scale. It is a huge rush to me to see the number on the scale going down. I know there are all kinds of opinions about this...and I've said before that it may not work for everyone. But it does work for me. I step on it and it's like hitting a jackpot or something. If I have gone down even a half a pound, I have an extra pep in my step.

I mentioned how the trainer had me start keeping a food diary...he just wanted to see what I was eating and when. I add a bit more to that...often I am writing just how I'm feeling that day, that moment....I guess you see some of that in my blog. And oh, yes, the blog. At first, this blog was a huge motivator to stay on track. I didn't want to have to report my failures to everyone! I think I am still looking for the right motivation to eat better. I know I feel better when I eat the right things. I know I felt pretty yucky yesterday after eating a few too many cookies. I guess I just need to remind myself of how the different foods have an effect on me. Having to be accountable to someone or something (my food diary or my blog) is something that helps to motivate me.

I have no idea if this little post will be helpful to anyone. I continue to try and fail on a daily basis. I have good days and I have bad days. One thing that has been hugely motivating is just the encouragement I get from so many people. It makes me glad that I put this struggle out there for everyone to see, because almost every day I get an email, or comment from someone sharing their struggles, giving some advice, complimenting me, or even ASKING my advice. ALL of those things are motivating to me. Who doesn't want to know that they aren't going through this alone? That people care enough about them to advise or compliment ? That they have made enough of a difference that people ask their advice? All of that makes me feel absolutely wonderful...and I can't thank everyone enough!