Damn Day

Wellllll....I haven't made any changes since the last time I wrote. In fact, I think I've gone even more off the deep end. My husband keeps telling me I need mental help. I guess I probably do!!

I think I've gained another two pounds. It's hard to look at that and realize that I am basically where I was at the end of 2009. It would be so nice to see some good results again. But there are some things that need to happen. Somehow, I have to get to the gym. I knew it was going to be challenging when the weather got better, because I lost my afternoon 'babysitter' (my son) to the golf course. It has not worked to leave the work outs to the evening, because I haven't been going. Once dinner is over, it is time to be with my husband and it doesn't seem right to run off to the gym. I hate to say I've given up. But for the last month, it sure seems like it. I can't seem to control myself when it comes to my nutrition. I had Rice Krispie treats for breakfast. How's that for healthy? It was cereal, at least. And here for the next week or so, I will be on the road. Yes, I should make some healthy choices. Trouble is, when it comes right down to it lately, I haven't been able to. The junk keeps winning out. Am I purposely sabotaging myself? Or is my body just craving all this junk again? I can really see the difference in my body too. Just a couple of weeks ago, my trainer, who I now only work out with during a Saturday circuit class, made my day by stating, "your legs are really looking lean". I was loving how they were looking! There is still some muscle there, but they are looking flabby now...and not so lean. I just want to cry!

I'm stressing right now about so many things....I can't tell if my out of control eating is a response to that stress or some crazy will power issue or something deeper and needing serious therapy. I highly doubt I will be doing any work outs while I am gone. This trip will be a bit of a whirlwind through three different family gatherings...happy and sad. I just don't think I'll be running off to exercise...

I generally like to be a more uplifting person. I loved hearing I was an inspiration to some people. So I apologize for being a bit of a downer. Guess I have to remind myself that I have still lost a buttload of weight, even if I have put a few pounds back on. But I also need to remind myself of what I did to lose it so that I can keep it off, and shed these last remaining unhealthy pounds.

Damn these eating issues! Damn my love for junk food! Damn my laziness! Damn damn damn!!!